I feel and truly understand the pain and grief you are experiencing. There is no far greater pain than the loss of someone you love unconditionally and with all of your heart. I think we (the LBS) are all experiencing this stifling pain. I have been reading your posts and I have nothing but the most utmost respect for what you are going through.
But I want YOU to know that you are worth more than the pain you are experiencing. YOU deserve more than what you spouse has put you through. YOU will come through this pain..you must because nothing, nor no one can ever be more to you than you are to yourself. You CAN DO THIS!! You just have to pick yourself up and focus not on her, but YOU. You are important, what she wants, does, or says, DOES NOT matter. You matter.
Par, you seem like a very caring person. I understand how this sitch can affect our basic thoughts. PLEASE, think about you and not her...I care about you...We here on the boards care about you....
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Those are nice words. I do think that I am a caring person. My family was my life and that is why I am having such a hard time GAL. I thought it was always going to be with them as bad as it was. I was not expecting change. I ate a have a hamburger tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll buy some ice cream and start trying to get some of my weight back. I don't know what to do. This waiting out the hurt is no fun. When you know that you are the cause of making yourself sick why do we do it?
My anger is preventing me from detaching. I know it. I have been angry so long and I have been getting great support from everyone here. But every time someone asks me about my sitch, it is like reliving the ordeal.
I repeat stuff hoping to find something different but it is always the same. I am looking for something that would make me feel some compassion so I won't be so angry. But I never find it.
You know what prevents me from trying? I feel that my sitch is so unique that these methods may not work. I have tried to find a similar sitch as mine and I can't find one. My sitch would be a challenge to you.
We broke up and got divorced a long time ago. I DBed and go her back. I changed, she never did. She doesn't have a R with me anymore. I just relized that. She has a R with OM. I am free to do what I want. If I choose to hurt myself and not eat, be sad than that is my option. Why would I choose something like that. I want to be happy. So why no choose that? Why have I been putting myself through this and everyone here that hs to listen to it.
First off alot of people here helped to drag your butt out of the suicidal thoughts especially PDT who alerted everyone to your sitch. You want out of the pity pothole you find yourself in? Then YOU find a way.
In all of your recent posts, you've been asking everyone - why can't I get over this, etc. Try asking that yourself. Then Answer it yourself. No one can do it or explain it except for yourself.
You're asking questions that no one else can answer but yourself. But make that choice. Choose to not live like that. Stop flip-flopping between being angry at yourself, your W, some of the posters here, and crying about why your W has made you feel sad and despondent. YOU are choosing to feel that way. If you don't like it, choose to do something different.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
C'mon par. Snap the [censored] out of it! Sorry to be so harsh, but maybe that is what you need. If I was there I'd slap you in the [censored] face! You are better than this. You have a lot going for you. Recognize this and act on it. Don't make me give up on you. You will be better than fine.
I went to find my little blonde hottie tonight, but she wasn't working. Turns out she was sitting at the bar talking to former boyfriends. I hung back with my friends, but u know what? When my friends left, I went up to the bar and she remembered me as the garden man. We chatted a bit and when I left, she gave me multiple big hugs, which I never expected! Gonna try again later. She is HOT and SWEET.
Sorry to say it, bit WAKE THE [censored] UP! Don't make me give up on you. You have a lot of things going for you. Realize it and take advantage. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You deserve.better!
Well, she called this morning and I stupidly answered. She swore how much she loved me and wanted to come home. It just screws my head up. She said how she would treat me like a king and she made the biggest mistake of her life and all she wants is her family back. That she was on drugs when she did all this and didn't realize how much of a mistake she was making. she said she would get this annulled and would get off drugs if i would forgive her. Problem is I don't believe her and all the stuff she says. i dont get her motivation. I just don't understand. she says she dreams of me everynight and doesn't want to live without me. I am not really asking for advice. I am just saying why? Why, doesn't she know that she is destroying me as a person. I have no life. I don't want to live. I don't know what to do. i don't think that I would be happy if she came back, i am to scarred, i dont think i will be happy if she stays gone. i think that my depression level is to far gone to come back from. I get no enjoyment from anything, sex, food, sleep, nothing is fun for me. People say time will heal but it is not doing anything yet. Each day is the same-awful.
Par, do you have a therapist? if so, you need to schedule an appointment today/tomorrow. I have been there and I know how it feels.
Stop talking to her. Has she cleaned up being on drugs? Has she divorced her H? What is it about her that you think you can't live without? She will only do these things if you take her back? If she is REALLY serious about wanting a M wiht you, she would have already worked on herself.
She is holding on to you because simply... HER LIFE SUCKS.....and she thought it would be easier and happier if she left. You have to pull yourself out of this slump!!!
Do you have friends? Do you workout? Go to the park? Have a hobby? Take up one if you don't already have one.
I will check on you later, but you have to get out of this pit....
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Yes, i am sure you are right. i dont know why i feel the way i do. She is not good for me, I enjoy her but she will screw up on drugs again and do something stupid. i dont understand the attraction. Maybe I dislike myself so much I want the pain. Heck, I don't know. I don't know anything.
You have a choice in how you handle things. You can choose the path of love, self-respect, healthy communication, forgiveness and responsibility for your self. Or you can choose to be a victim, make others responsible for your feelings and let things happen to you. "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Don't let your feelings define you. Let your actions which is a sign of your character. Handle it. Read this in a post. I thought it was good..
