LOL, haha... Acorn the fortune teller... I just need to get some tea leaves that actually work
Anyway, I just looked at a the last few posts on your thread.
Check this out!!!
Quote: We hugged, etc, and he told me that he needed to tell me something. He said that when he got to the study session that FF#1 told him that FF#2 wasn't coming. He said he internally freaked out, started feeling really sick to his stomach at the thought of our exchange this AM and knowing that he was now alone with FF#1 and would need to tell me that.
I was SO TOTALLY fine with it. Not an anxious bone in my body. I keep trying to tell him that it's not so much this FF or this friendship or their alone time as it is the stuff that it stirs up in me about ow, and fears and the past and the future...etc. Anyway...without even acting "as if" I said something like "Oh, honey, I'm sorry that you felt so sick about it. I'm totally fine with your study time with FF. I am SO glad that you told me. I know that you didn't have to. It means so much to me." Sounds like a pretty detached reaction on your part! Detached from the old R, so that this innocent thing didn't bother you
He was visibly relieved. Gave me a huge hug and said "Your reaction makes it so much easier for me to tell you hard things" And, look at the reaction!!!! The detachment makes it safe for your H to communicate honestly.
I said "In the spirit of full disclosure, I need to explain my reaction to you when I came home..." -- I told him about seeing the open hotmail window, and my BAD reactions, etc. Again-- detached. You didn't attack, or tell him what HE needed to do. You calmly reported what you had been feeling.
He was totally cool -- said that it hadn't even occurred to him to say he was sending email because it WAS about the homework (Shiny -- you were right!) and that he was totally sorry that I had felt unsure or badly. I told him that I was totally responsible for my reaction, etc, etc. Again, to good effects And, you took responsibility for your own happiness
Seems like you are doing well to me... Just look at those places you are stuck... Like the honesty in communication thing--you seem to be worried about controlling his reaction, and worse, for reasons from the old R that you are holding onto... Re the name in movies, I had a related problem... Discomfort, brings you down, can't meet eyes.... I like the humor idea: "Lol, H, every time they say Susy, all I can think is "Susy Schmoozy"--it's weird when something so innocent creates discomfort, but we don't have to be afraid of acknowledging. I mean, so what--it doesn't matter now. (kiss)." Quit hiding it, quit managing (you fixer, you)..... It's OK.
And, you took responsibility for your own happiness 
