You have this idea that he's doing YOU a favour by staying with you instead of leaving... He's not.. YOU are forgiving HIM...
More to the point of his references :
a. They are uneducated - even your H admits they don't recognize the risks he took with his marriage b. They are inexperienced - they likley haven't dealt with infidelity themselves c. I strongly suspect ALL of his references that support his risk taking are NOT educated about infidelity OR experienced with it, and may even have a "rose-coloured" version of his affair(s)
These are NOT informed subjects to consult. Have him ask a family therapist who deals with infidelity cases on a DAILY BASIS what THEY think...
Or to put it more technically... I don't ask my friends and my family if my car is safe to drive, I take it to a LICENSED MECHANIC...
Are you two in family therapy? It's not in your signature so I assume not. THAT is a valid refrence. NOT mommy and daddy.
Do you understand what I am saying here?
I had a Girlfriend in University who used to do this. We would have a dispute and she would immediately rush to teh phone. She would call her friends, her famliy and give them a SKEWED version of the dispute and then come back to talk to me.
She would throw thier "support" in my face as evidence that I was "wrong". I knew it was inappropriate at the time, but I didnt know why. NOW I KNOW.
Going to family and friends to resolve a dispute
a. Violates the privacy of the discussion b. Produces uneducated input c. Produces biased input d. Antagonises the dispute
Tell him if he has a disagreement with you to respect the marriage enough not to rush to his friends and famly for uniformed advice and support
If you haev a dispute, you do research or consult an expert, you don't ask mommy and daddy what they think unless THEY are educated/researched on the subject at hand
