I've learned a lot from the vets on this site, too many to mention all of them but a few that come to mind: puppy, coach, greek, sandi, gucci, steve plus a ton more on top of that.
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Seems things do difuse when I do not engage in her tantrums. I just have to keep up with the agreeing and doing what I can.
Make note of that, something that actually worked.
Human nature unfortunately dictates that when we find something that works, we tend to stop using it and look for something else that works. My suggestion, make notes of what works and review them frequently, get used to doing what works and stop doing what doesn't work.
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At some point I do not agree with what she says, the part about being scared of me when she sleeps, I think that is ridiculous I have never laid a hand on her, actually have let he pound on me physically and took it. If she was that scared she would leave. I guess thats why her family calls her Drama Mama.
Remember I'm saying agree with her. I'm not saying that she's right. You may very well be 110% right on this issue. Being right won't get you on the good side of her feelings. Remember what I said about point of view and perception of reality, from her point of view, she feels that way, she really does, regardless if you believe it or not, that's her point of view, those are her feelings, that's her reality.
Yes your reality is that she's loopy (technical term), there is no way she should feel scared or insecure around you, you work in law enforcement, your job is about protecting people, you're the protector of the family and yet.... she feels insecure and scared of you. It's quite possible something in the past has scared her and she now associates that feeling with you. That's ok, feelings do change if you give them a chance to change.
So even though she shouldn't be scared of you, something has spooked her, you just don't know what it is. So from your point of view, she shouldn't be scared, I agree with you. Maybe you can agree with the fact that something has scared her/spooked her, she's revealed as much to you, so why not just agree with the fact that she "feels" that way, it's her feelings, you can't argue with feelings, you will never win an argument with someone's feelings, people just feel the way they do.
So instead of several chances for arguments today, you agreed with her feelings, disaster averted, on top of that, she's texting you pics of her and the kids and engaging in what would appear to be jokes, sharing her good experiences with the kids, etc.
Maybe you will agree with me that this is more enjoyable than fighting.
You haven't won the war yet, you guys aren't reconciled but all anyone can ask for is one day at a time, yesterday's done, tomorrow's too far away (you'll deal with tomorrow... tomorrow) so just enjoy today.
I think you did some good work.
p.s. yes I agree, she's a "drama mama", she isn't the first and she won't be the last ;-)
