There is NO WAY to “stop” the pain…You must go through it. You must experience it. I am sorry. I could blow sunshine up your butt BUT well that’s not me.
The sleeping…try and see if you can pick up some Tylenol PM or something along those lines.
The nervousness you feel is FEAR. You need to find a way to deal with it. Maybe drop the kids off at a friends house and have him pick them up there. Have him pick the kids up at the local church or somewhere public. This will help but is not going to help YOU face the FEAR. So how do you face the FEAR…quite honestly..(and I am not a professional here) STAND UP for yourself. It really is that simple.
Have you ever seen a bully in school? If you read my story you would know that as a kid I was sent away to homes. While in these place, I initially had a hard time. I was kinda of small for my age. I was picked on when I first arrived (this happens to most kids in lock up) – One day two kids ganged up on me and beat the living sh*t out of me. I remember vivldy…I had two black eyes and a busted lip. I laid on the floor crying. I felt defeated. I felt abused. I felt alone. It was then that I cried out to God (and no I was not religious at all)…I cried out and said NO MORE. About a week later, one of the kids started with me again…he pushed me…damn I was so afraid…so afraid…BUT then something happened….then I remembered my cry…NO MORE…NO MORE….
The kid pushed me again…and I balled up my hand into a fist and swung with everything I had. I broke his nose. I stood up for myself. I had enough.. I was f’in angry. Know what? The kid never bothered me again. As a matter of fact a few other things happened to me. 1) No other kid messed with me and 2) I started to feel better about myself.
I am not promoting violence. No. I am simply telling you that YOU and ONLY YOU can stand up for yourself.
Need some support….know this Rlay…”I got your back” – do me a favor…do not let your H intimidate you. DO NOT. S*it I’m tempted to try and reach out to Braveheart since he lives in your neck of the woods and see if he would do me the favor and kick your H as* - but I’m not. LOL.
Seriously Rlay…you can do this honey..you can.
And NO you do not sound like a sad sap whiner…as a matter of fact you sound stronger than you think…Your just afraid – don’t be.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
