Early Parole from the MLC Chain Gang?????

[MHL]

Got a progress report from my W yesterday, kinda…….

When I got home from work yesterday, S10 informed me he was going to spend the night with mom on Sunday night not Saturday night b/c she has plans, but he will stay with her on Friday night too. I got a little perturbed b/c in my mind this was a change in schedule and I had made plans so I called my W so we could talk over the phone before I dropped the kids off with her.

Well we disagreed about whose weekend was whose and we discussed it in a very civil manner and I could feel myself wanting to press my point and ask more questions about us and where we were and have a big ole nasty R talk. Well, I did not I just said no problem on the schedule thing we will get back on track next weekend.

I could hear the change of tone in her voice after I let go of what I wanted. Her voice soften and became very caring….soooo nice to hear that voice (this is what I really want).

So off to drop the kids with her. As I pull up in parking lot she gets out of her car, kids get out and get into her car and I get the tennis rackets and balls to give to her. We are standing there and I think she is just going to turn and leave, instead she says……

W: Thanks for not getting upset
M: About what
W: The schedule thing
M: Oh, I don’t do that anymore. Its not me.
W: I have noticed. It is nice
M; Why?
W: Before you would have flipped your lid and yelled.
M: I have been working on me, and I like me now, I have changed
W: The proof is in the pudding.
M: So, does that mean if you like the pudding, you are going to take a bite? ([censored] eating grin on my face )
W: That is funny……that is really funny.

We stood there a little longer and we were looking right into each other’s eyes, I soooo bad wanted to lean in and give her a hug and a kiss, I did not. The moment is there, it is real, she has to be the one to initiate though. Said our goodbyes and I was off to Little Friday.

The hardest part of seeing her on a semi-regular basis is that I see more and more of my old W which makes it harder to maintain that detachment. When I talk to her and look at her eyes, they communicate, “I want you” but her words and actions do not match.

I think her “proof is in the pudding” comment is her way of saying that she has noticed the change but is not convinced it is permanent. The key ingredient of the pudding is me taking my wants and desires out of my communication with her. It is wanting her happiness over what I “think” I want at a particular given moment.

What I am finding out or letting “soak in” is that I do not have to give up my happiness to do this. Ultimately I end up feeding my happiness in that I got to hear “MY WIFE” on the phone, not the alien, also my W noticed a positive change in me. Those things make me far happier than enforcing my schedule on her.

The other thing that gets me is that she compliments me on a fairly regular basis as I do to her also. If I did not know better I would say she is DBing me. LOL.