Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Hi Rob. Thank you for your post.

You are just about dead on with your comments about those two miserable years. Yes, no doubt, I handled the situation very poorly. Of course I would give anything to go back and done things differently knowing what I know now. That’s not to say I would have wanted to do things differently just to change where my M is now, instead I would have wanted to do things differently knowing what it takes to be a strong man and lead.

Those two years were pure hell. When my company closed I was dealing with all kinds of lawsuits that I had to deal with almost daily. One person even tried to bring a suit against my wife which really pissed me off. It was almost a full time job at one point dealing with this mess. It was necessary to put so much time into dealing with this mess so that I could get it behind us. The process moved painfully slow.

I did go out and get my real estate license during this time. With the market being so poor I wasn’t able to find much business. My W wanted me to get a regular 9-5 job and I can understand that, she needed security. I will say that I was the only person taking care of the issues of the business problems, dealing with lawyers, working with our bank about trying to keep our house/cars, supporting her with her health issues, etc. Those two years had a tremendous affect on me too.

Before the problems with the company life was very very good. We did a lot of fun things, vacations, stayed at wonderful hotels, purchased new furniture for our house, bought her the best clothes, whatever she wanted…went out and lived life and had fun. I gave her a wonderful life. She wasn’t working during this time…I was supporting her for 4 years. She had to quit her job earlier because it caused her extreme stress and was causing her health problems. So I told her she could quit and work with me (I didn’t really even expect her to do anything with my company, she could do whatever she wanted) hoping this would help her health.

I’m sure that during those past two years she thought I had no ambition. Sure, I could see how she would think that but it’s not to say that’s who I am. I was very ambitious and a very hard worker with my company. I took an idea of mine 10 years ago and made into something great. It provided a very good life for my W and I for many years. If I hadn’t run into some problems I would still be doing it today and her and I would be loving life together.

This is the problem. My W only wants to see the last two years and she thinks that defines me. Well, it doesn’t. I’m not making excuses for the past anymore. I regret how I handled or didn’t handle things. I wouldn’t want to experience that hell ever again. It would be nice if we could both agree that it was a horrible time but that we can move on from it if we both (mostly me) can make the changes. This is what I’ve been doing consistently now. It hasn’t been too difficult to make these changes because the person I was two years ago is not the person that I am.

Rob, let me ask you a question. She has our joint money in a separate account that I do not know where it is or how much is left. She told me that everything is still there and the balance. She only uses it to pay for the few joints bills we have left. I have not made an issue out of this for months. I have not asked her to show me a bank statement or demanded that she return the money to our joint account. I am showing trust on my end about this. My question is, doesn’t this show her that I trust her and so therefore she should trust me to sell the house without signing an agreement?

I’m taking care of all of the house maintenance, agreed to go with the real estate agent she wanted (without objection) for the past three months, I did all kinds of work that the other agent should have done, I’ve given her huge amounts of space…shouldn’t some of this give me a little trust from her? Yes, she worked those two years while I tried to handle the mess of the company. It’s sort of the same again. I am once again taking care of all of the problems, she is not doing a thing. I was the contact with her agent. I am still the only one talking to the bank about the house. I am the one paying for our car and insurance. Doesn’t this seem a bit one sided and she wants me to sign an agreement for me to sell the house? This is what I have an issue with. I’m doing all of this with a smile and she still wants more. Yes, I understand that she has huge trust issues from my actions for the past two years but given all that I am doing now, I still need to sign an agreement to prove myself? Maybe I do. I’m just thinking out loud, not trying to be combative or make excuses. These are some of the things I think about.

These are the reasons why I haven’t already signed this agreement. I like what you wrote Rob. It’s right on the money. I should say it word for word to my W. I would really like to. I probably will. She still hasn't contacted me since our talk on Tuesday. We still need to make a decision on who is listing the house. I need to step up here and call her to tell her that I will list the house and sign the agreement. I know.

Thanks again Rob.