I said nothing about our anniversary. I didn't acknowledge the flowers and card her relatives sent over and my W propped up in the kitchen. I guess to her they were just pretty flowers.
We are VERY distant emotionally in terms of talking about our relationship directly. We show care in other ways.
My DB coach said that the less I manipulate her by doing and saying things that appear to fish for validation the better off I will be. She will hopefully feel that I finally understand her feelings.
The funny thing is that the other night her baby helper ended up staying at our house until 9pm because there were tornado warnings along her route home. My W cooked dinner and the three of us ate, had a beer and talked. We were behaving just like H and W. We communicated openly, laughed and had a good time. It was amazing to see how company, a guest in the house, made up behave "normally." After she went home my W remained friendly and seemed relaxed, almost forgetting that she was supposed to be cold and distant. She said goodnight and went to bed.
I am trying to be supportive, complimentary etc. within reason and only when it makes sense. No needless compliments, no pandering. I asked if she wanted dinner last night, she said no, so I went out. End of story.
Much of my behavior has been partially out of guilt and the other part was just a changed me. My coach thinks that I need to show more confidence and stop talking and doing as if I am seeking approval. THAT is what is pressuring her to think she has to change her mind. It's not honest. It appears manipulative. It's a fine line, but it's something I think I can do.
