Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

Exactly! I was totally thinking of your sitch, Awest, when H was saying all those things about it all being "unfair". That is not H's normal mode of operation to be sensitive (i have only been attacked for the last 2 years), so I don't know if it was sincere or if he was just following this ususal cycle that these H's seem to take. We step back, they feel that they are losing control, they jump back in with the empathy words to regain our trust and their control. It's sad we have to be so jaded to all this and question every motive, but it is what they've made it. So I still don't know what all that was about, but I'm just letting it go for now.

I've definitely been praying like crazy, because I'm feeling so lost on what to do with this sitch. On one hand, I want to encourage H's progress on his own issues and be there for him next month as he does his follow up sleep study and possibly gets meds for his ADD and maybe anger issues, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm always waiting for the next these next deadlines (first the brainscan, then the sleep study, then the therapist, and finally the surgery - I'm always waiting for something). I'm obviously (& he knows this) the person who understands him and the sitch with his issues the best and am really the only one who understands what he's going thru. I just don't want him to give up when he's so close to the next step and I fear without my support, it won't happen. Some may say that it's not my problem, but it most definitely is when the life of our S is involved who I want to have half-way sane father and for my own life, his craziness and anger can be a little scary sometimes (obviously he's never laid a finger on me or threatened me in any way, but you never know, crazy people can snap). So bottom line, it is my problem, and he needs to follow thru on getting help.

So last night, H came over for dinner. When he saw me, he gave me a hug and I kind halfed hugged him back. His response, "see, you don't even like me anymore. Your hug tells it all". I just shrugged and then gave him a real hug. I was still trying to decided what to do about it all, but H was really making everything about me, so I thought I would take advantage of it for a change. I had thrown my back out last weekend while playing with S in the kiddie pool and have hardly been able to walk all week. H kept rubbing my back for me and then gave me a full on back massage after S went to bed. It was the best back rub ever and really helped losen up some of those knots. It's nice to finally have some attention on me after he's always so self-fish all the time. I'm going to try to let it play it out for the week and see what happens. But on the other hand, I'm going to have to keep an eye on the phone records tho, b/c if his R is continuing with OW3, then I just can't stand for that disrespect and will have to take a stand on it. But if I can see him continuing to draw closer to me and away from her, I'll let it ride out for a bit to see what happens. So yeah, definitely a tought place to be in right now. I feel a little like I'm at a Y right now trying to decide which way to choose (as forced by H's decisions)...hmmm...