I'm feeling a lot better around my W. I'm not letting things she does or say hurt me, I'm not obsessing anymore over every little thing she does; whether they're hints or anything else.
It's a fine line, being friendly when you're hurting. But as many wiser folks on this forum have said, if she means that much to you, and you want her to come back, why on earth would you let anger and bitterness become the way you treat her?
I having trouble keeping things compartmentalized with my wife. As we move closer to separation she seems to have trouble making the smallest decisions. For example, she thought it would be good to get a credit card with just her on the account, since it'll be harder when she's single. She spent hours agonizing over it.
We've got a lot to do before we can separate:
1. Get rid of our golden retriever 2. Ready the house for the market 3. Sell the house 4. Find apartments 5. Move out
I left out the toughest task, telling our daughters.
Right now, I'm her friend, just that. She's not moving forward very much, just seems stuck. I don't want to read anything into her delays though. My pastor said that since my W is having trouble with making big decisions and moving on, that I might have to be the one to file. I said I couldn't, I can't break my vows. The only thing that would change my mind towards this would be infidelity.
So do I just let things go at her pace or be more assertive about things? I'm second guessing myself, but I think that if there's any hope for reconciliation down the road, it'll come after our separation, not because we're living in the same residence.
It's spooky how similar most sitchs are. I guess it's just a testament to the fact that we're not all special little snowflakes, but people pretty much wired the same way.
I've decided that I'm pretty much going to have to go the LRT route since there's no counseling going on. I'm going to really accelerate selling our house in the next month, so I'm sure that will ruffle some feathers.
She loves to make it seem like I'm trying to portray her as the bad person in the marriage, that I'm trying to get rid of her ASAP etc. When she mentioned having a hard time with getting emails from me (instead of face 2 face), she said it was hard to trust me.
I was so proud of myself when I didn't reply with what I was thinking, choosing the better part of valor:
"If either of us should have trust issues, it should be me since you're the one who has broken and thrown away their wedding vows."
My H always has to be the good guy, no matter what...For the past 18 months he has lied, cheated, stolen and basically just been an all around class A p***k.
To this day, he doesn't acknowledge the OW though they have now bought a house together...
He tried that "I can't trust you" BS with me and I learned early on not to own it...He has to earn my trust because he is the one who shattered our marriage vows, I am not going to play the "He needs to learn how to re-trust me because HE cheated on me" MLC BS line that I read so much of.
It took me a very very long time to get to the point where I am now and I had so much help from the vets here...
Without Him and them, I would not be where I am right now.
I am finally learning that some marriages just aren't meant to be saved, no matter how bad we want them to be.
((((Hugs))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
