You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[faithisbelieving]

I didn't do that. The kids came first and STBXW came second. I see why that's wrong and I wonder if it goes back to my own parents' divorce.

Still too much self-blame and victimization. Many marriages go through what you did and survive. Other marriages have WORSE going on at times but survive. Stop blaming yourself. At worst, like all of us here, you were given a set of tools to work with that were not the best. You now have a gift certificate for Craftsmen tools.

But what happens when you do find someone else? Now is that person your No. 1 priority or are the kids -- who never wanted mom and dad to split up in the first place -- the No. 1 priority?

This is another problem that contributes to the demise of marriages. Your SPOUSE should always be number one, perhaps by only a thin margin but still first. Kids are like library books: they are on temporary loan. Some spouses fail to realize that and when the kids finally leave, they are left with a stranger.

I can see why the statistics say more than 70 percent of second marriages end in divorce. You have people who aren't good at marriage in the first place trying again usually with the complicating factor of existing kids.

The goal here is that YOU are in the 30-40% here CTH and your STBXW is in the 60-70% group. I think that the people who do the work stand a much better chance at later success than the WAS's, but, then, hey....JMO.

As for finances, as one friend told me, they can't throw you in jail for owing money. So, take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Develop a game plan. FIB