P.P.S. Yes, I agree that we can't control others. I wouldn't suggest that Donna try to control her ex-in-laws. Expressing to her ex-in-laws that they needn't reject their son for her sake and that she finds it sad that they haven't reconciled is hardly controlling.
Better yet, I'd suggest that as soon as one of her ex-in-laws begins discussing ANYTHING about their family that Donna simply say: "I care about you, but I cannot be part of your family drama. Please change the topic immediately or I'll need to stop this conversation." Continuing to expose herself to the family drama is nothing but harmful. However, Donna does not seem to be in a place for whatever reason to take this step of setting a clear boundary and letting go of that part of her life.
Anyway, I added this second postscript because I agree entirely that the important thing here is how it affects Donna's kids. We can't help our kids with problems that we don't recognize. Thus it is important to bring out how the ongoing fracture in XH's family hurts her children. It is very sad to see that there is no progress on healing that fracture.
