Just called to see why I wanted that info. I told I needed it for info I was preparing for my atty because I was doing the background work that needed to be done so when I was ready to begin the process I had everything in order. Told her honestly that I don't know when that will be, but that I wanted to be prepared when the day came.
OK, the first part of this likely gave her a nice jolt of reality, but then you "rescued"/minimized with the "told her honestly that I don't know when that will be" part.
DON'T DO THAT. Let her feel the consequences of her decisions. For lack of a better term, LET HER SQUIRM.
Other than that, you handled it really well. I know, this sucks. I can hear the sadness in your posts. I know it's trite, but there's a truism around the MLC, WAS and Infidelity forums, and it is this:
I'm not sure if this would be taken as pursuing or what, but tonight I texted her and let her know that I lied when I said I didn't want to talk to her. I told her I had a lot of things I would like to talk to her about, both good and bad, but I didn't see any point in it. I also said that maybe we would be able to talk after the divorce, or maybe not, I wasn't sure. Actually the first time I have used the D word with her. Up to this point we have danced around it without actually saying it.
I am just tired of this already and really don't see the point. If this is what she is so sure she wants, I am tempted to just give it to her. I know my attitude may change tomorrow, but then again it may not.
My initial plan was to go NC, then wait her out for as long as it took. However, at this point I am strongly considering going ahead and filing. Worst (best?) case scenario is that we get a divorce and then get back into a R later on. If that happens, I think having a new marriage would be good anyway for symbolic reasons. Our old marriage is dead and gone. Any new R would be a new beginning and involve the building of a new, better relationship between the two of us.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
I would not look at a D as a way to start a new R with your W. It just seems restoring the M before D should be the route to take if possible. If this is not an option then D if you think that is best in your sitch.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I'm not sure if this would be taken as pursuing or what, but tonight I texted her and let her know that I lied when I said I didn't want to talk to her. I told her . . . (etc.)
My initial plan was to go NC, then wait her out for as long as it took. However, at this point I am strongly considering going ahead and filing. Worst (best?) case scenario is that we get a divorce and then get back into a R later on. If that happens, I think having a new marriage would be good anyway for symbolic reasons. Our old marriage is dead and gone. Any new R would be a new beginning and involve the building of a new, better relationship between the two of us.
I can understand the thought, L4S, but really, is that all the "fight" you have in you? How long have you really been at this?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those "standing for 2 years" guys, TRUST me. There does come a time when you have to file, for your own legal and financial protection, for your own emotional health, and also to stand for holiness in your marriage. I filed after about two months, which is far quicker than most, so I'm right there with you on your thinking. But I do think you should keep DBing her awhile longer.
I really like your posts Puppy. It seems like LBW are the minority here and to be honest I never thought my H would go this far, but it still helps to read everyone's stories and know I'm not alone in this - wtf THIS is.
Last edited by LRT Land; 07/23/1002:03 PM.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
Today was an incredible day. I got up early and got a 20.3 mile bike ride in before the heat index got too bad. Then I headed out to help my son and a friend move from separate apartments into one two-bedroom apartment. As luck would have it, both of their apartments were on the second floor and the apartment they were moving into was on the second floor. Also, my son's apartment had no air conditioning and he had nothing packed up when we started. On a day where the heat index reached 107 it was less than ideal. But, I got to spend the day with my son, doing something that was helpful to him.
Finally got done with the moving at about 7:30 and headed home when I got an invitation to go to a friend's house and swim. This person was a casual friend who has become a great friend over the past several weeks, and I really enjoyed the opportunity to swim and talk with them about what is going on in my life. It was a great night and it really helped talking about some things that I needed to talk about, but were, at times, uncomfortable.
In talking with my son, I learned how angry he is at his mother and his opinion of what I should do. I finally asked him if he realized he was pushing me in the direction I was leaning (divorce), and his response was "it's about time".
I am still praying for my wife and our marriage, but it is almost overwhelming how finished I feel. I think if she called tonight wanting to come home, I would tell her to move to an apartment and we would need to date for a while to see if it could work out. This is a big shift from where I was before, but I believe that the space I have created through boundary setting has allowed me to be more analytical and less emotional about my response.
So, in summary, I have worked hard to GAL, and in the process am beginning to want our R back less and less. I'm not completely ready to move on yet, but I do think it will happen a lot sooner than I previously believed.
Sorry so long, but I had a lot to say.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
I'm just curious; is your son's opinion about what you should do based entirely on his mother's infidelity, or does he have any pre-affair marital opinions?
I think if she called tonight wanting to come home, I would tell her to move to an apartment and we would need to date for a while to see if it could work out.
Wow! You have come a long way. I know how you feel here because it's sort of where I am at.
I don't think they usually call and expect everything to go back to normal. If your W does have serious second thoughts at some point, this is probably how she would want to proceed anyway.
I am also interested in your answer to Puppy's question.
You have become so much stronger than when you first got here. Keep up the good work.
But... it literally isn't over until on of you marry somebody else.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/24/1012:13 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Just trying to help others avoid some of the stupid mistakes I made! 