Warrior..you are gonna be just fine. Just keep telling yourself that. You are a great person and this will all work out for you..even if it doesn't include your W. Tell yourself that you are the best thing that ever happened to her..and believe it, because you are.
It's hard to stay positive sometimes, isn't it? I find that too, myself. i know you have lots of friends and family that care about you..so call one of them and talk for awhile. I know my friends and family have just about had it with all my waffling back and forth. But they have stuck with me, even when I was panicking and crying daily. It's better now and I don't cry nearly so much..but the whole thing is still very sad. My H pretends like he's trying, but he isn't. He's waiting..for what..who knows..I don't even think he knows. To feel better, to love me again, to wait until I've had enough, til he finds someone else, til he gets a disease, til I become so skinny I blow away in the wind..who knows..and there's nothing I can do about it anyway. I know..I've tried everything. Even he admits that. He even told me once that it hurts him to see me trying so hard and makes him think he should just go so I don't have to do that anymore. Alien thinking. Then he said that since I've lost weight and look so good now, he thinks I'll be ok on my own now so he can go. He really just wants to go..but he feels guilty. And you know what..he should feel guilty. I had such big plans for the rest of our lives together And he blew it..he threw it all away.
I can say without a doubt, that I am the best thing that ever happened to him..so if you're reading this my dearest H, just know that you'll NEVER find anyone like me again..ever. How does that old saying go..you always hurt the ones you love..or something like that. and..Why is that?
