Training for a Marathon, Hoping for a Sprint

[lookin4support]

I'm not sure if this would be taken as pursuing or what, but tonight I texted her and let her know that I lied when I said I didn't want to talk to her. I told her I had a lot of things I would like to talk to her about, both good and bad, but I didn't see any point in it. I also said that maybe we would be able to talk after the divorce, or maybe not, I wasn't sure. Actually the first time I have used the D word with her. Up to this point we have danced around it without actually saying it.

I am just tired of this already and really don't see the point. If this is what she is so sure she wants, I am tempted to just give it to her. I know my attitude may change tomorrow, but then again it may not.

My initial plan was to go NC, then wait her out for as long as it took. However, at this point I am strongly considering going ahead and filing. Worst (best?) case scenario is that we get a divorce and then get back into a R later on. If that happens, I think having a new marriage would be good anyway for symbolic reasons. Our old marriage is dead and gone. Any new R would be a new beginning and involve the building of a new, better relationship between the two of us.