Think I am dead now.

[MrBond]

First off alot of people here helped to drag your butt out of the suicidal thoughts especially PDT who alerted everyone to your sitch. You want out of the pity pothole you find yourself in? Then YOU find a way.

In all of your recent posts, you've been asking everyone - why can't I get over this, etc. Try asking that yourself. Then Answer it yourself. No one can do it or explain it except for yourself.

You're asking questions that no one else can answer but yourself. But make that choice. Choose to not live like that. Stop flip-flopping between being angry at yourself, your W, some of the posters here, and crying about why your W has made you feel sad and despondent. YOU are choosing to feel that way. If you don't like it, choose to do something different.