Ugh, Antlers. Those messages she sent you were quite cruel. don't get defensive if and when you do respond to her. Just be cool as a cucumber. As for your son, has he explained to her that he wishes to stay with you at the time?
Hello soleil.
Yep, she's been meaner n' hell ever since she left 19 months ago. No forgiveness in her heart at all! I won't get defensive if I do respond. Yeah, he's made it clear to her that it's his choice to be with me at the time...she won't accept it. It makes her feel better to accuse me of "brainwashing him" and "lying to him" and "destroying the bond betwen them". She won't accept that it's his choice, plain and simple, and I haven't influenced him at all. She refuses to believe that she is at fault for anything whatsoever!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Man, I wish I'd heard more from you along the way!
Me too! or from Coach, RobX or Puppy...
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Man, I wish I'd heard more from you along the way!
Me too! or from Coach, RobX or Puppy...
Yeah, I'd agree. Those guys all give good advice. Too often we communicate from a position of weakness as opposed to a position of strength. Strength of character, especially, are what these guys espouse.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
"I want to see my son. Please bring him over to my house on your next day to work."
I told my son what she said, and he didn't want to go over there. He wanted to go to his grandparent's house instead while I was at work. Keep in mind that she and our oldest daughter have been encouraging, successfully, my 13 y/o daughter to stay with them exclusively. They have been much less successful with my son, athough they have tried. I haven't seen my 13 y/o daughter since the middle of March, when we got back from Spring Break. And when she sends me these hateful texts, she NEVER mentions our youngest daughter, nor the fact that neither I, nor her grandparents, have seen her in over 4 months. I haven't encouraged, or 'schooled' my son at all. He is making his own decisions regarding this.
Just received the following test message from her...
"You didn't learn from your mistakes, you didn't change, and you didn't become a better person. The only person you love or know how to love is yourself. To this day you are still as selfish as the day I met you. If you have actually changed like you try and say you have, then you would not keep my son from me like you have. You know that he and I had a bond and you couldn't stand it because you weren't in control of it. Now that you have him away from me you have corrupted his little mind. You have told him lie after lie about me. And so has your family. He will one day realize it and resent you to the bone for it. You are a sick man. One day you will have your material crap but you'll still be sitting all alone with it and no one to share it with. You will never change. And you prove that more and more each day you keep our son from me."
See what I mean? Not one word was mentioned about our youngest daughter! Her hypocrisy is unfathomable! She accuses me of doing the very thing that she has been doing with our youngest daughter all along! And she always attacks me with the "you'll never change" stuff! She uses that as a weapon when she doesn't get her way!
I still haven't responded to this crap...but I'm tempted to!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Have you ever asked your attny how to respond to these types of messages?
As I learned in therapy when somebody reaches a *certain* psychological point no amount of validation will EVER work. Period. For over a year I validated my H up and down and all that did was give him a forum to bash, blame and emotionally abuse me to a point that was beyond cruel. When one reaches the point of emotionally abusing somebody (which I feel your W is doing) validation is fruitless.
Your W, my H were not emotional abusers prior to divorce but something in them clicked and put them on this path. My H's verbal abuse, manipulation and emotional blackmail became so bad my attny had to step in after talking to my psych. Nobody should have to endure that just to keep things "civil" during legal proceedings.
Just so you know, this type of treatment is VERY common among people who are guilty. So they don't feel remorse for their behavior they keep on slamming. It is very alarming to be on the receiving end. I put in an effort that was nothing short of REMARKABLE to deal with it until my attny decided enough was enough. Nobody should have to be verbablly abused and I don't care who says what about DB'ing. If validation leads to more abuse and tirades then you are dealing with something more than a WAS.
I always have you in my thoughts and will be sending you every bit of strength I have for your proceedings on Wed.
