QS, hang in there! I know the hurt and pain... believe me. This isn't my first go round with this, as you know. There's no way around it - just through. Through hurts. If you try to go around it, you won't learn the life lessons you need to learn. And - it's not what is ultimately better for you OR the M, should it survive. There's always hope. Doesn't matter if she moves out and papers are signed - there's still hope. You may get to the point as I did with 1st H where I then said, "Nope - no way," but I agree with Allen: the writing's on the wall with her and OM. You MAY decide you don't want her back by the time she comes around.
So sorry about tomorrow and your dog. I have had several that I have been VERY attached to and know the feeling.
Try looking into your son's eyes and having to tell him what his father's been up to: that's pain beyond words when S thought his dad hung the moon. Have to go through it.
I just hit the end of my rope. That last text message of her "being on the market" set me over the edge.
This is my dog's last night on Earth, and she can not manage ANY happiness WHATSOEVER. The energy in the house is causing one of my other dogs to shed PROFUSELY. It is absolutely unbearable in here. And all she thinks of is HERSELF.
I just look at her and I do not recognize the woman in front of me.
Yes it is going to have to SUCK knowing she is having sex with other guys, having a new boyfriend ect. But THEY are going to have to deal with her, and NOT ME.
And just wait until one of them makes one of the SAME MISTAKES I did, just ONCE. WOW. Is she ever going to run for the hills and repeat this all over again.
How did you manage hope in your sitch Allen? How did you stay strong and continue to DB in the face of insurmountable odds?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
In hindsight I really don't know... I know if i Had to do that again I wouldn't pull nearly as many punches as I did the first time.
In my case I knew what she was doing and I spoke up almost daily and we fought several days each week. Each time I snuck a truth dart or two in there.. Reality chipped away at the thing...
I kept in my logic head too... I did a lot of logical stuff, math, strategy games, solved the rubix cube... you name it I did it... get into your left brain and you are safe there man.
I am less worried about OM making mistakes QS... I think they will toss her aside quickly.. guys get sick of women eventually if the relationship doesn't evolve...
It will get to a point where your wife will just be annoying and they will humiliate her and drive her away.
Just think High School Rerun and you got the idea...
Who's going to drive whom away? It's a dice roll.. but her maturity level matched with someone else of the same maturity level cannot sustain a long term commitment...
Again its back to high school with people breaking up every week and moving to someone new...
I will quote my favourite screenwriter Kevin Smith :
RANDAL In light of this lurid tale, I don't see how you could even romanticize your relationship with Caitlin-she broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.
DANTE Because there was a lot of good in our relationship.
RANDAL Oh yeah.
DANTE I'm serious. Aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. That's what high school's all about-algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.
Each time I snuck a truth dart or two in there.. Reality chipped away at the thing...
Isn't that pursuing? Like if I throw truth darts in there, she is just going to run to her mom and friends and say "He's insane", "He won't let go", yada yada yada. Then she gets reinforcement from them.
Like when you told me to say something about my honoring my vows ect, she texted her friend who replied "You CANNOT reason with INSANITY".
Like you and I said, she is in auto destruct mode. And is SUCKS that this is going to lead her down a path of meaningless sex, a 1 year lease, a potentially committed but unhealthy relationship ect.
And what sucks the most is that she might have a BOYFRIEND, like I will have to hear about "My boyfriend" ect. Even though is may be unhealthy as ALL HELL, you know she is going to front it like it's the BEST thing in the world.
And as stubborn as she is, she just might stay in it to prove a point that she is desirable and can make a "relationship" work.
I think I need to come up with a CONCRETE PLAN, from now until Labor day when she moves out. Come up with some hard0hitting DB tactics for me, and stock my arsenal with truth darts and just chip away until I can no longer do it.
And I LOVE the idea about getting in my left brain. I AM going to do that - try to become Mr. Spock or DATA, and I will be MUCH better at working this.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Your emotions are in your right hand side... just stay OUT of there for a while and you will get centered a lot more quickly...
Truth darts aren't pursuing when you don't care about the reaction.
I said what I did because it was the truth, not because I thought it would change her mind.
After many MANY months of that, I did start to notice a lot of uncertainty and confusion in her...
I really think your best strategy is to buy that house outright and live there well...
I am biased though, I hate apartments... Lived in them for a long time and a house just can't be beat.. a property you actually OWN...
If you do end up staying there you will just end up showing her what she walked out on... turn the place into a palace.
The best way to beat her vendictive nature QS is to live well. Live well and long.
Think tortois and the hare for you in this situation... She can play the cocky rabbit who parades around and makes fun of the turtle moving along inch by inch... While the rabbit goofs off and acts like a fool...
So can we hash out a plan for the next 40 days then?
I have NOT pursued for about 7 weeks now, and have GAL, and have new friends, took responsibility for the house ect.
These 40 days are going to be TOUGH. But I want to look back and say I TRIED EVERYTHING POSSIBLE.
I can survive divorce. But that is like saying I could survive a plane crash, even though I could have made a heroic attempt to land the plane and AVOID a crash.
I want to go as hard as you and Puppy did. I know this is about ME, but I want to do the BEST ME WORK I POSSIBLY CAN. If that makes her pause, GREAT, if not I will be MORE THAN READY to walk in that courtroom and SHOW her how fine I will be, and how I didn't self destruct.
I am going skydiving, which TOTALLY threw her for a loop. I am having a house party in Aug. And I am planning to be out every night for the 2 weeks straight she is home in Aug before she goes away for 3 weeks.
She is just keeping up the pressure on selling the house. I am just ignoring her on it, but EVENTUALLY I am going to have to make a decision.
And I need an AWESOME NEW JOB to do that. That has to be priority 1. But can we figure out a Hellbent plan to help me come out of this NO MATTER the outcome when she moves out?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Dang, QS, I think you're doing pretty good on preparing your plan! You've got a lot of things planned to GAL and that's #1!
I really do recommend you get Dobson's book if you have not. Seriously. It will do you MORE GOOD than you know! GET IT TODAY. If I can recommend anything for your mental health, that is it. I mean it! James Dobson - Love Must be Tough subtitled, Help for Families in Crisis
I agree with your statement weeks ago that mornings are the hardest. I hate having to wake up and realize I AM living this and it's not just a nightmare. It reminds of that movie where Adam Sandler has to make Drew Barrymore watch a video every morning.
Sadly, these are the final hours with my dog today. Her parents are coming here at 3pm, and then we are going to the vet.
She (the dog) has trouble controlling her bladder, and has to wear a diaper. So I am going to give her a bath, brush her, brush her teeth, and give her ice cream and peanut butter. I want her to meet death with dignity. And guess what? My wife "had" to go to "work" today. KNOW WHY? She was visiting the apartment buildings where she wants to move. Selfish is too good a word to describe her. Ego-maniacal gets it about right.
This is absolutely agonizing today. I took the final pictures with her this morning, and my heart just broke. I am terrified of later on tonight. My wife and her parents are going to relatives for the weekend, taking on of my other dogs with her, and leaving me alone. My family can't really travel, so I will be stuck here with only the memories of my girl (dog).
I know that my marriage ends with the life of this dog. She started the whole thing, and I prayed and prayed she could help save it. But last night my wife could not even summon one single smile with me in a self-shot picture of us with the dog. I am the only one of us smiling in the picture. The look on my wife's face says it all. She is just not there...
I know my divorce day will be even harder. But I am going to fight with everything I have left until that day.
Sometimes I just feel like the Universe will just not let up on me. Like it wants to see me break, unable to move or feel again.
Please pray for me, and ESPECIALLY pray my wife that she may see what she is TRULY doing. And doubly especially pray for for my dog. She will meet God today, and be at peace.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Will definitely say a prayer for you, QS! GO GET THE DOBSON BOOK! If a regular bookstore in your area does not carry it, try a Christian bookstore. You will then have something to read tonight that will help you emotionally and empower you.
Words cannot express the sympathy I have for you in your situation today. I am truly sorry. To have this happen while you are in mental crisis makes it more difficult, I know.
