Freckle you are so right! ARe you saying that you had a period of only "business" discussions re: S? Wow. How long did that go on for? I hate to admit it, but it does give me hope. Otherwise, this NC feels like the death toll.
And you're right, there's nothing I can do. It's unhealthy for me to continue to "try" to do things to please him or "get" him to reconsile. It's sick actually. I'm over it. Staying away from him FINALLY (only took me a year!) feels good for me. I don't have panic attacks (much) any more and my mind is clear to focus on myself instead of obssessing on H all the time. I'm sad yes, but at least I can hear my own thoughts instead of my fears and regrets and anger re: H all the time.
H continues to be "nice" in response to my pullback. I'm not buying it. But it is good. I even got a "thank you" via text today. I decided I"m not the one going to say please, thank you, or sorry any more. I finally got one in return. Small crumbs, but long awaited.
Now the scary part. I need to "talk" to him re: discipline. He still yells at and threatens S. S told me today that last night and this morning H did this. I am not around H any more so I can only pray he's not being abusive to S although he clearly is. I have removed myself from the abuse, but poor S remains the victim.
So here's my plan: "Talk" (either phone or email - I will not sit in the same room and risk being called names, laughed at, mocked, etc). If he doesn't stay calm or blames me then conversation over.
Next step. H said he may attend a parenting class. Get a good one and see if he will follow through.
Next step. IF he avoids both of these, I go to the lawyer and fight for more custody. End of discussion. And anger management classes and drug testing.
I am preparing for the final step anyhow, but it will come sooner than later if I need to protect my child. I will not be passive any longer.
