Yes, I've read it, but thanks for the reminder! I am definitely taking steps for A to stop being the option. I've been allowing Option A for awhile now because I thought he had been willing to go to counseling, work on M, not taking active steps toward OW, etc... However, once I was enlightened that was not the case earlier this week, I became determined to cut out Option A! Just figuring out the best way to do that has been the tricky part. I was ready to confront and now he is willing to go do this.
SO: If he waivers again (which he might) then I need a script to basically say, "You don't go - You pack up your things - or better yet, I'll do it for you...and find some place else to stay until you decide you want to work on M." (Or leave out the last bit even.)
OH...and don't get me started on the suggestion that we go on a cruise. Do you honestly think he would have jumped to planning a cruise if I would've backed off the marriage weekend plan???? Helll no. I don't think so. It sounded awfully tempting, I will admit. Part of me wonders...hmmm... maybe.... but I have a hard time believing he would've gone or it would've worked to restore feelings, as he said it might.
OMG...Now I just got an email from him. He called, trying to cancel, and they said no. So, he's saying we should blow it off because "she said it's not about connecting but about managing a marriage better" and that's not what we need. We would've been better doing something else." Then he goes on to say, "I guess we have homework to do."
I'm not responding for now. Should I respond with the Facebook skulking comment or just ignore????
Well, the only reason in my case would be because there is some parental guilt. If nothing else, being seen as a good dad is important to H. That's enough to maybe keep him from going over the edge.
And...don't give him too much credit: got another email about how he called to see if he can cancel! Then he was talking about not going again... SO.... we shall see where this ends up.
Don't get into it... Just tell him "we are going" and ignore him.
Say it once, firmly. Tell your kids ASAP so its locked in there. Tell everyone relevant. If you have someone coming by to watch the house while you're gone arrange that too.
Put money on the hotel too... everything... put it ALL IN.
He's giong to be like a kid going to the dentist... Don't argue, just say "you're going"
You can also say "This is the class... the homework comes AFTER we LEARN what the homework IS..."
OR
"You have to SHOW UP in CLASS to GET the ASSIGNED HOME WORK silly..."
OR
"This is a class just like our kids take every day. We are going to set an example here... Cutting class because you don't want to go? NO. We are going for our children's sake and our own."
Note : I didn't say WHAT was told to them... so this is going to put him on the defensive.. He's going to be thinking
OK... What in the HELL does she KNOW...?
What do the kids know?
uh oh... $hit...
I didn't see this in time to add the "told the kids" part but if he replies back I'll work it in there.
Speaking of kids...my 16 year old told me he is very mad and upset with H. Said he wants to tell him off. He even sent me a 2nd text saying, "If he gets physical or won't leave and you want him to... let me know. I'm bigger and stronger and I got this!" I have to say, I teared up when I read that. My 16 year old son should not have to think this way about his father. Son is 6'2 1/2 and 265 lbs. H is not nearly as big. lol
I explained to S that H has never gotten physical and there may come a time to speak his mind, but now is not it. If he refuses to go to the weekend afterall, and won't make other changes, THEN will be the time. To pray for the man - the real H - that we all know and love.
