Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[Strong&Alive]

Ssmguy,

I notice that you didn't answer my question about your children...

Do I recall correctly that you are now in your 50s?

For me, personally, it is indeed an "identifying factor" for the simple reason that it's a powerful mental and physical desire that intrudes on me every day, whether I'm ready for it or not, whether I have time for it or not, whether I have an available partner or not, whether I'm in love or not. If it's been 24 hours, and often sooner, a delicious sexual fantasy crosses my mind, or a horny physical feeling takes hold, or I simply start feeling aroused, any of which can lead to the others, etc. And if I just ignore it, which I often have to, of course, at work, etc., the fantasy/feeling desire just comes back more and more frequently. The sex drive is very much there even if I don't have a partner who comes on to me (which of course I'd much prefer). It's just life in the high-sex-drive lane. Nothing new for me there.

Its this kind of thing that puzzles me about your situation: what you describe is not in reality life in the high-sex-drive lane. Its life spent in a perpetual traffic jam, watching other cars pass you by.

I agree that the HD/LD even ND labels are a tad simplistic. But to continue your own analogy - you have a car with a powerful engine under its bonnet - your wife isn't interested in going for a "drive", and you seem content to just leave it in the garage. Revving its engine occasionally on your own, so you know its working.

I'm genuinely perplexed why a guy - at your stage of life - who identifies himself as HD, remains content to do nothing real or worthwhile about it... A HD sexual man, I would have thought, would find a way to express that core part of himself. A HD man would at some point - long before the decade mark - say to himself and his wife "Enough is enough, I'm getting my needs met elsewhere/ leaving you altogether". He wouldn't allow his sexual self to be marginalized/ isolated to the extent you have let happen. You haven't even seen a woman have an orgasm - and you're HD - well why the hell not? That is truly sad...

One day, you don't know when, but inevitably, you will be dying. There will be no more chances to take your sports car out with a woman in tow who wants to ride. You will regret not standing up for yourself and asserting your right to be a sexual being. And I think you will seriously doubt that your current mode of doing nothing to upset your wife or jeopardise your roomates-type marriage was truly worth it.

So you're "best friends" with your wife... You can still be friends with her if you separate. I can't for the life of me understand what other "needs" you have that she couldn't (or wouldn't want to) meet if you separated. If she wouldn't want to, then query how good a friend she truly is.

Seriously, Ssmguy, have a good think about where you are going.

You either want to authentically express your HD core with a woman who would appreciate it, or you're content to live out the rest of your days in the quiet desperation to which you have become so accustomed. Your current sexless marriage seems to have numbed you from the reality of what a proper sex-life looks like.

There's a very different life out there, but its not going to just happen.

S&A