21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

Went to MC today. C looks at me and says do you want to be in this R and if so on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to make changes in yourself. I said yes, 10. He asked her the same thing and she said "I don't know if I want to be in this R. She said he is controlling and has been for 20 years and I don't see that ever changing. And even if we see temporary changes he would have an ulterior motive and not a good one either." Counselor says nice seeing you both but I only help those couples who both want to work together. He suggested IC and she said only if it happens soon... I am still scheduled for IC every week until Oct.

MrBond,
Other than being controlling and porn she has not given me anything else. She has said my actions over the past 4 weeks are much worse than anything in the 20 yrs. I find that hard to believe since I had an A in 1994. She means me going to her work asking about the rumors or her and the bar manager. She thinks I am on a smear campaign against her.

She also said I am in total control of the money and left her an allowance/stipend. I have heard that several times now and would like to take the money back out of my individual account and put it back into our joint account. It is 10% of all our money and I am still protecting myself and the kids (my at work fund is the bulk of our assets) but would take her ammunition away on that point.

If/When she tells me the other reasons she is so resentful/hurt I will definitely listen.