Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Hi Ken. Hope things are well with you.

You make a good point Ken. I don't know why I am so against signing that agreement. It's not like it's a separation agreement or anything. You're correct that the outcome would be the same no matter if I signed it or not. I would use my part of the commission towards any mortgage shortage if needed.

I guess that it bothers me that the woman who I have been with for 19 years doesn't trust me enough to take my word and wants me to put it in writing. Kind of says how low things have come I guess. I think deep down I want her to have me sell the house without the agreement because I think that would be a sign of trust by her.

I can see it from her side too. Right now she feels she has zero reason to trust me. She's watching what I do. I think she's looking for a reason to start to trust me again. I wonder if I did sign the agreement if that would give her a small amount of trust back for me? I just feel like she complains that I'm controlling but I see her being just as controlling. It's her way or no way. God, we can both be so stubborn.

I've been thinking about it today and need another day or two to think some more. Listening to some of the things she said to me it was clear she is extremely skeptical or any of my changes being real. I didn't like how she said that at the end of the conversation that I was my old self. It was like no matter all of the things and actions that I showed her, all she focused on was one little thing and said "there's the old mza8". Ughh, very frustrating.

When we talked about the past two years I said it was hellish. She agreed and said it was like living in hell with all of the financial and other outside problems we had to deal with. I know this is what she fosuces on and I don't know how to get her to stop focusing on those two difficult years and focus on the good times and a possible good future? I think I know the answer... I'm just venting about it.

I talked to my IC today and told him that my W said she would come to an appointment with me. He said he would like to meet with her alone in one of the appointments. He said to ask her if she is more comfortable meeting together first or by herself first. He said to tell her that he will be neutral. He's a good counselor and a nice guy.

I'm trying to lead. I'm trying show stength and patience. It's confusing because some of the advice is to not be a doormat but then it's adised to do 180s and validate. Signing the agreement would be a 180. I feel like if I sign that agreement she will see it as her opportunity to ask me for other things like the separation agreement, etc. I think she'll push me (doormat).


She hasn't contacted me since we spoke on Tuesday. She was supposed to look for this commission document that she had her L draft months ago and email it to me to review. Haven't heard or received a thing yet. It will be strange if she still doesn't contact me tonight because she wants to get the house back on the marktet soon, it's currently expired.

Ok, I'm rambling on again and my last post was long enough. Thanks Ken for giving me something to think about. I need some time to think this through.