I thought about leaving her several times I just couldn't do it. I thought about how it would be having someone that wanted to help me and could support me instead of selling my clothes for drug money. It is nuts that I am hurting so bad over her. Her own family will not help her anymore so they say. It shouldn't hurt me this bad to get rejected. She said I treated her bad. How, I don't know. I wanted her to get a life, work, and try. Instead she just stayed depressed. Well, maybe she got one now. I keep screwing things up. I contacted her by email last night but she didn't respond and probably won't. I told her OM that I had had sex with her last week and that made her mad. She said I was trying to hurt her and screwed up her life. She said she would never get back with me. Well, that is not what I want anymore. I want to be over it, I want to be rid of the pain, find someone new that loves me and cares about me. But, I have never found that when I was looking, it always happens when I am not looking. Girls come to me. When I go to them, it just doesn't work out to well. Never has. I wasn't happy in the R all the time. I thought she was lazy. I thought she was depressed and had some mental issues. I never thought she lied to me but she did. I never questioned her love for me but she didn't. Her mom told me she was a master manipulator and I never saw it. I really thought she cared. That is what the shock is about. Sometimes you stay with someone simply because you know that it is hard to find someone that loves you and cares for you. I was happy when she was gone to her moms as long as I knew she was coming back she could stay as long as she wanted. Now that I know she is gone-I am dying inside. It is crazy the emotional roller coaster that I am putting myself on. And why? I ask myself all the time. She didn't even come to my graduation.
