Clever Dr Schnarch says diffrentiation is key to good relationships. Vital and a must. He describes it as the ability to stay balanced and not be influenced when your "spouse" is loosing his/her balance and stay unaffected by his/her actions.
It may sound weird but he explains it well with the hugging example. When we lean to each other for strength and stability, and our spouse "wobbles" then we wobble too, we loose our balance too, while when we stand on our own two feet and "hug" but dont lean, and even stand back when he wobbles to regain our balance we can actually help him find his balance too. If not, both partners collapse sooner or later. Excuse my English, hope it makes sense.
It seems Gabe has hit a point in his life that he is forced to either grow up or run and hide. He either takes the step forward or avoids it till next wave comes and hits him again (and it could be anything, work, Rs etc etc). At this point, you hold on to yourself, dont expect him to validate/reassure/support you. He cant. But please dont let him tear you down either, you've made some brave decisions in the past that brought where you are, do not sell yourself out now sweets. Do both of you a favor and hold on to yourself. xxx K
