Of course it was nothing like I expected it would be. My wife (and she is still that until the judge signs off on the agreement), is on the other side of the country, and I've just been waiting to see if she would ever sign the papers. Yesterday, I got an email from my attorney saying that she had signed and that they were ready for me to come in and finish everything. I had a long lunch break today, so I headed over to the attorney's office and signed.
I guess I was expecting to be more upset; more emotionally invested today. Somehow, it was just another step in a long process I never wanted, a process that I'm now reluctantly embracing as I carefully imagine a new wonderful life for myself.
There were some emotions for me: mainly disbelief at where I was, that I was actually getting divorced. That I no longer understand or know this woman that I've called my best friends for almost two decades. I was a little shocked to see my mother-in-law's signature as witness, and wondering how much she approves of the divorce. Some relief too, and sadness as well. But none of it as deep as I expected. I guess some of this may hit me hard later on; I will ride it out.
I spent a lot of time last night thinking (don't we all!) about the past nine months. I've certainly not been a very good divorce buster, and it's likely that my marriage was never meant to be busted. I'll never know the details of what exactly went wrong. Still, this forum, my participation, and all the wonderful people here, have made a profound difference in my life. Even though I didn't save my marriage, I do think I'm coming out better off through my efforts here. I could never say it enough: Thank you everyone.
For all of you that are new here, that are still deep in the struggle to save your marriages, may god bless you and your families.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
