The question is what, if anything you have done to deserve forgiveness? You betrayed your husband and in the process hurt him and your children. Those were your choices. You have to live with the consequences. It sounds like the consequences are feeling pretty unpleasant to you now, but your actions were extremely unpleasant to begin with. You are only now beginning to understand how much you hurt your ex. Imagine the consequences for him of your behavior.

If your husband is following the advice on this forum, he is getting on with his life, and detaching from you as much as possible. I agree with the other posters who have advised you to leave your ex alone. He may be forgiving you as part of his own effort to get on with life, but that really is about him, not about you.

"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George