Sunny I made a post earlier today on anotehr thread here... You may have already seen it, but in case you hadn't I am pasting it here .. a lot of it follows on what you just said about your H liking his little setup
I use this model often, so I will offer it up again here.
Your Husband has three basic choices of lifestyle here :
a. Continue to see you, and his affair partner (cake-eat) b. End his marriage, minimize contact with you, and pursue affair partner 100% c. End his affair and work with a FT to reconcile with you 100%
Right NOW, you have been making option A AVAILABLE to him. He can see you as often as he wants, whenever he wants, and you are all smiles when he does. You even make him dinner or whatever.
When you cut OFF option A he has to make a choice between two ugly options to him. He does NOT want to end all contact with you, or he would have done that already. He does NOT want to end all contact with his OW either.
YOU take actions to STOP A from being available as an option. Until you cut off option A he will KEEP TAKING IT and NEVER recommit and YOU will continue to feel increasingly miserable.
Cut him off at the knees by removing option A.
You cannot force him to choose option C, but you CAN STOP him from choosing option A by NOT being available to him anymore.
You have been making yourself available 100% so he's been cake eating... it won't help you.
Cut him off at the knees. He may choose b, he may choose c, but at least he will have made a choice and you can stop feeling miserable.
