Well, I have to say that I felt just the way you do about my Chuck and his maggot. I wanted his family to scorn him, to stand by my kids and I. Just as my kids don't recognize maggot in his life or in theirs. But my kids were older when it happened. They made their stand - good or bad. I feel for them now when they mention how bad their R with their dad is. I am angry with him that he made them choose him and her together or not much of him at all. BUT...
I added to that too. I badmouthed them in the beginning. It coloured my kids' vision of the whole thing for sure. Not that they didn't know. Or that they would have made different choices. But I know that I did this.
None of it is right. None of it is good. But it is what it is. It takes time and a fair amount of healing to be able to say that. I don't even think about him and her much. Wouldn't give you a nickle for either one of them and still hope he dies before one of my kids gets married (TRUE - shoot me now!). But I don't want his family to hate him. They know. They probably have a lot less respect for him. And I am no less in their eyes. They tell me that when they see me. But I had to let it go.
In letting go, you open yourself up to new possibilities. I have a new set of "Not quite In Laws"LOL. Sister in law of Josh's sister called me her "Pseudo Sister In law" the other day. Made me laugh. But made me feel warm & fuzzy too. His family are accepting of me, my kids and all the stigma attached to a "DIVORCEE". LOL. They want their son to be happy. And so it is.
My daughter broke up with her BF 4 months ago. Longest 4 months ever. She still clings to thoughts of them getting back together. They are still friends. Neither has dated anyone else. But if he doesn't even text her back what she wants to hear - she cries. It tears my heart out. But I can't get her to "let go". Good news is she is telling of a new interest. Nice guy. Asking about her through friends. Asked her to hang out. Got her number. I hope she can drop the rope with Andrew and consider this new guy.
You have to let go in order to move forward.
Forget what goes on in HIS new household. Accept that you are not part of that scene unless it involves neglect or abuse of YOUR children. Let them all work out their own issues. Take the time and energy away from them and put it into rebuilding your own new life.
It too me SO long to do this. Doing it has been a God send. I only wish the same for you.
