Puppy, Thanks, means alot coming from you, obviously your words of wisdom are admired by many on the board.
CD, I want to clarify something Puppy highlited.....
Time and Patience are the keys to success......
I should add that success is you being a better a partner in your next relationship whether that relationship is with your W or not.
I "hope" it is with your wife.
Originally Posted By: DaddyLongShanks
Thing is, whose to say by time they change their mind they have wore the notion of sex and intimacy completely out?
DLS, That is the kind of fear that could prevent anytype of chance of reconciliation and probably the same type of fear that caused problems in the M to begin with.
This is where the work is for us the LBS, making ourselves better, overcoming fears we previously had in our M. This is where we have to dig deep and take a hard look in the mirror and decide that we are going to make ourselves better no matter what.
I just finished "How to Improve Your Marriage with out Talking About It", great book that address "fear" and "shame" in a marriage. A real eye opener!!!
FWIW..... Sex and intimacy are two different things, typically the lack of intimacy in sex is one of the things that gets couples to point we find most of ourselves at on this board.
As the LBS we often think that the WAS is off in this playground of sexual fantasy while we are left "high and dry" fact is most find the excitment of the sex and even the enjoyment goes away pretty quickly, faster than you might think because it is not based on intimacy rather it is based on the excitment of the secrecy.
Once exposed, that componet is gone and now the two "love birds/soulmates" have to start to really "relate" to each other, and find they really aren't compatible.
This is where, especially for women the fantasy starts to fall apart because the sex is just that, sex with no intimacy. The notion of intimacy never wears out in my opinion, in fact I think the yearning for that connection is what ultimately draws the WAS back to LBS.
Sure rebuilding that part of a R after an affair is difficult but if the the reconciled couple can overcome their fears and hangups the sex/intimacy can be better than it ever was before.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
