Had a horrible car wreck last night that totaled my new Civic. Was taken to the ER for xrays and CT scans, but nothing bad. My wife brought my daughters to see my in the ER, and when she left to take them to get a bite to eat, she squeezed my arm and said something like "You'll be alright."
First time she's touched me in a month. And while nice, I know it doesn't mean anything. Maybe the accident was a sign that letting go is ok.
Letting go is okay, and maybe it is necessary too. There should not need to be a sign for you to know this. How is a car accident a "sign that letting go is okay?"
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I think that God has plan for all. Sometimes there are signs, and somtimes an sometimes something just happens because it happens too. Maybe you seeing this accident as a sign is good thing whether it is sign from God or not is another question.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I just want to get on with my life. Feeling this detached is nice in some ways, cuz the pain is so much lower than just a few days ago. I often confuse detaching with stopping my emotions towards her.
Yesterday (before the accident) she was upset because I sent her an email saying that our bank balance was low. She was upset because she worried about having enough money to make her trip next weekend, and that I had used an email to tell her. I find emails are an easier way to discuss stuff lately, because we have so little time together due to our schedules.
She started talking about something and said that she was having trust issues with me; I told her that her distrust was something she needed to deal with.
She was scheduled to meet with our pastor for a one-on-one session, but I don't know if she met. I'm not going to bring it up with her. If she straightens herself out, bully for her. I'm living my own life now.
My sister is a firm believer in "where there's smoke, there's fire." So I've been wondering if there's an OM. And then I wonder if it really matters to me now. I'm letting her go, dropping the rope entirely and walking away. I'll listen to her, validate what she says, and take care of my daughters.
Eventually we'll be in our own separate places, coparenting our 2 DDs. But thinking she'll come to her senses is childish and immature.
MakingProgress - You're right. She's trying to rewrite history so that she feels better about leaving. I guess I do the same thing to make myself feel like she should stay. She's immature and spoiled, and I've been too.
She'll say stuff like "I know you don't want me to be around," knowing full well that I want the opposite. She has no clue how much this hurts me. Last night I woke up (again) in the middle of the night, and the first thought I had was "she's leaving."
She wants help in figuring out all the finances, where she should live, how much she can afford, it's driving me crazy. We're so in debt, and she won't be able to pay for any of it, yet I feel like I need to help her out with paying for a good apt so my daughters don't have to live in a sh#thole. We want joint custody, but she still doesn't make enough working fulltime to pay for all she'll need.
I don't want my daughters to suffer; but how much should I be willing to help out? My faith also tells me that my wedding vows don't end when she leaves me, so it's hard for me not to want her to be ok. I mean, I love her, and want her to be happy, safe and secure.
I'm just confused. I need to detach more, but I'm a wreck. The only thing working right now is my exercising and faith. Yet I feel tested every moment I'm awake.
No, you don't have to help her. You will only go deeper in debt. The kids can live with you if she can't afford to find a place that can shelter her and the kids.
If she really wants to leave you and be on her own, let her be "on her own", let her be an adult, let her figure out how to be a responsible adult and deal with all issues that come with that.
She currently lives a bit of a sheltered life, when she leaves to live her "own life", she will have to deal with the consequences of breaking a family apart and supporting herself in her own home and figuring out joint custody of kids, scheduling, bills, work schedules, etc.
