MakingProgress - You're right. She's trying to rewrite history so that she feels better about leaving. I guess I do the same thing to make myself feel like she should stay. She's immature and spoiled, and I've been too.
She'll say stuff like "I know you don't want me to be around," knowing full well that I want the opposite. She has no clue how much this hurts me. Last night I woke up (again) in the middle of the night, and the first thought I had was "she's leaving."
She wants help in figuring out all the finances, where she should live, how much she can afford, it's driving me crazy. We're so in debt, and she won't be able to pay for any of it, yet I feel like I need to help her out with paying for a good apt so my daughters don't have to live in a sh#thole. We want joint custody, but she still doesn't make enough working fulltime to pay for all she'll need.
I don't want my daughters to suffer; but how much should I be willing to help out? My faith also tells me that my wedding vows don't end when she leaves me, so it's hard for me not to want her to be ok. I mean, I love her, and want her to be happy, safe and secure.
I'm just confused. I need to detach more, but I'm a wreck. The only thing working right now is my exercising and faith. Yet I feel tested every moment I'm awake.
No, you don't have to help her. You will only go deeper in debt. The kids can live with you if she can't afford to find a place that can shelter her and the kids.
If she really wants to leave you and be on her own, let her be "on her own", let her be an adult, let her figure out how to be a responsible adult and deal with all issues that come with that.
She currently lives a bit of a sheltered life, when she leaves to live her "own life", she will have to deal with the consequences of breaking a family apart and supporting herself in her own home and figuring out joint custody of kids, scheduling, bills, work schedules, etc.
