I will agree with Eric...I know I needed major healing, infact more then I was even aware of initially...it changed often so I just kept myself in healing mode once I figured it that out.
As for texting H...NO...keep it to emergencies only, REAL emergencies like the house burned down, S is in hospital (not just sick with the flu or such unless he is needed to take S to DR then have S contact for the ride)...My H left me no choice...he wouldn't reply to me and half of the time to our young S...it won't help you (even though you think it might now) and it will only serve as a thorn in H's side right now...your focus is on your healing, not on H and his issues...
I know how hard it is to detach...my H did me a favor when he detached and cut contact...it forced me to work on me and not focus on him...there was nothing I could do but accept that he was gone...I would have eventually gotten there but I dread to think how long I would have remained in that pit...I was so much better when I was cut off...initially it is hard but eventually you learn to GAL and fill in the voids with other things...I took road trips with the kids, went on a cruise, invited my friends over that I hadn't done in a long time, spent time helping others, and really being thankful for what I had...feeling blessed everyday for my kids and myself...able to work...able to enjoy life...
Just take care of your LS...keep it simple, fair...like I mentioned before my H took a big financial stumble...I did not pursue child support from his because he didn't even have enough to support himself...as long as I was okay and able to make it (it was hard at times) I did it without complaining or calling him all the time on it...I think sometimes we tend to use the kids as an excuse...and child support as a weapon...this doesn't help the healing process...now if he has the money, then your child has a right to that support and I would follow through on that, mentioning to him that it is only fair to share the support and following the LS order...I don't know what state you live in...but I researched all of the laws in my state and educated myself...I drew up my own LS agreement, H signed it, and the Family Court attorny that helped me with the paperwork filing said it was a very good document, he was impressed. The forms they were using were too generic in my opinion for my situation...I customized it to my son's needs and mine...as long H agreed to it the judge would okay it...and he did! If H had not come back I would have had my freedom to move and do as I wish without having to seek court aproval...that went for traveling whereever I wanted...I know so many that can't leave the county or state they reside in because of the court order...I didn't have that...but H didn't have the freedom to do what he wanted with S without my consent...I was the sane one so I wrote the agreement in such a way that I was the decision maker when a decision was needed for S...and S had second say...we would consider H's wishes...that was it!
