There is something to be said for knowing who you are and what you like to do. You like to stay at home. Fine. But you are being totally predictable to your wife and staying in your little box. At home.
Apart from the message it sends to her, changing up your routine may just give you a new perspective on life. As TH says, its a time to explore new things and discover things about yourself that you don't know. Could be fun if you let it.
WAW just called me to say she is picking up the dog today...and that now she will not be coming over Sunday as usual to grocery shop and make dinner for family. She said she will give D18 (who now works with her) some money for groceries though. I said "I didn't say you couldn't come over Sunday, but that's your choice. Ok."
WAW is 100% pissed off! This should be expected right? And some one is going to explain to me how it's a good thing?
Yep -- 100% expected.
BTM, some of us have been "explaining" to you ever since you started posting here. You don't seem to want to listen. But just for grins, I'll take one more crack at it, and give you three references:
Women tie their feelings of LOVE very closely with their feelings of RESPECT. She can't respect you if you literally take CRAP from her, so by doing so, you are slowly killing any remaining LOVE she has for you.
(ref.: "Love and Respect," by Eggerichs)
Furthermore, the supplicating, "Nice Guy" behaviors also are NOT attractive, and slowly erode your own self-esteem.
(ref.: "No More Mr. Nice Guy," and "Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S."
WAW just called me to say she is picking up the dog today...and that now she will not be coming over Sunday as usual to grocery shop and make dinner for family. She said she will give D18 (who now works with her) some money for groceries though. I said "I didn't say you couldn't come over Sunday, but that's your choice. Ok."
PERFECT. Next!
Puppy
Perfect? Really?
I get the point of her respecting me etc. But..so many people here would be thrilled to be where she and and I were a few weeks ago: dating, talking, vacations, sex, etc. WAW had not ruled out comign home. And it really seemed like there was a possibility.
I would not be "thrilled" to be where you were a couple of weeks ago. You have not even been living together with your W and as a family. It is not real the life you think you have had with W until she is actually back at home and you are truly working on the marriage. It seems to me more of a mirage than something real.
It is good that you are trying to move out of LIMBO some.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I get the point of her respecting me etc. But..so many people here would be thrilled to be where she and and I were a few weeks ago: dating, talking, vacations, sex, etc. WAW had not ruled out comign home. And it really seemed like there was a possibility.
And now....we are the exact opposite.
perfect?
I meant your RESPONSE to the dog situation was handled perfectly.
BTM, you're making the same mistake a lot of others make in that you're judging what's "working" by your wife's MOOD. Often, a wayward spouse is nicest to you when they are having their way with you, keeping them safely spinning on their "stick," and they've got you RIGHT where they want you, resistance-free.
If you gauge your decisions by how "mad" it makes her, instead of by my standard of "What is THE RIGHT THING TO DO in this situation? What is the thing that God Himself would have me do, if He were standing right in front of me?" . . . then you're screwed.
I get it Puppy. Somehow I have to remember that. Right now, I am sitting at my desk at work, scared beyond belief that it really is finally over.
I guess, all I can do is take it day by day, do my best to GAL, be upbeat in fromt of my kids and see what she does next. I have this feeling she is going to get nasty and start fighting something fierce.
I kinda liked that mirage we were living in. But...even I know it was not the way to live the rest of my life.
This is going to hurt really bad again, but I lived through it last time and I will this time too. I'm tired....
Would it help if I told you your SON is watching all of this, and is forming the basis of how he is going to deal with the really difficult challenges HE will face in his life?
