21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

She only spends 10 minutes driving them to summer school in the mornings and one hour in the evenings since she gets home at 7 and their bedtime is 8. I am not going anywhere.

My friends think that she doesn't want to go anywhere but she is the forever pessimist and is in a depression. Me being controlling and her being unaffectionate are the main items on her plate why she doesn't see us together. The porn she said was just a smaller item. That tells me there is a list in her head. She did tell me that us having trust issues was an understatement. I almost said, yeah I trusted you to keep your hands off men at your work since she hugged a co-worker in front of his girlfriend (then they fought all night about it) but I didn't say anything.

How she can justify leaving without ever telling me the problems she has listed IDK. But thanks for your advice.