I'm not sure how often the WAS returns only to be rejected by the previously LBS but I imagine you don't see a lot of it because they probably don't come back to post it here.
i think it depends on how long the sitch lasts. the longer it takes for the was to wake up, the likelihood of the lbs rejecting the was upon return is high.
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That's really interesting. I think what happens is they are all caught up in the drama and they get an obsessive tunnel vision. They are so focused and determined to get away that all their energy is put into that direction and that direction only. Add the fantasy of what they think life will be like once they get away into the mix - once all the drama stops and the smoke clears they are left there with nothing to push all that energy into.
i've had friends tell me that they know of others who divorced in haste - thinking that it was for the better. and years later, they are still unhappy and full of regret. another friend of mine told me that her h cheated on her. after about 7 months of separation, he wanted her back. she said no. she said the 7 months were the worst months of her life, during that time she decided she deserved better. infidelity was a dealbreaker for her. to this day, she says her xh still thinks of her and is living with regret for what he did. she is engaged to be married to her long time companion now. i'm really happy for her.
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This is why I can appreciate gucci/robx advice. When you actually detach it mimics the smoke clearing. You aren't feeding them the fuel they need to keep their tunnel vision going. You take yourself away from their focus to some degree. If you aren't behaving in a way that they can use to keep justifying their decision they run out of complaints and ammunition that's aimed at you.
i felt a sense of calm when i read the above. it didn't feel like you were shoving gospel down my throat. there is nothing like being force fed information. it doesn't go down well nor does it get absorbed. i learn best when there is a well thought out explanation behind it. thanks, steady.
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When you resist their decision to leave you now give them someone/something to fight. That's the focus. When you tell them go ahead I'm leaving, they have no one to fight.
gucci told me to fight for what is important to me. the process has been rough but as long as i felt i was doing the right thing, and picking my battles, i always walked away feeling good about myself. i didn't fight his decision to leave. i didn't encourage it either. it wasn't my decision to make.
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I know this post is a bit choppy. I'm having a problem getting my thoughts across in a clean way this morning and I really don't feel like cleaning it up...lol.
it's actually pretty straightforward. i appreciate the post.
