Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

wii, I don't have anyone else to turn to for advice so I really appreciate getting it from you and my other friends here.

Well in regard to the b.day party I was under the impression that STBXW will have a party for her and I was just going to hang up a few decorations at my house, do the cake cutting, give her a gift and maybe bring her to Legoland or something. But now it sounds like STBXW's washing her hands from it all? So I'm thinking how can I still have a party for DD and the best way seems to be at her school. So I guess my question is should simply state to STBXW that I'm setting up a b.day party for DD at her school and it'd be good if she could join. Or go into explaining to her that the reason I didn't want to do it together was because I thought she was throwing a party and inviting people that I didn't want to be around?

As for being the adult and handling the situation I think that will happen in a year or so perhaps but right now with all the legal mess, division of assets etc things have been fairly tense and I don't want her to think she can continue to live the Jackyl and Hyde life that she has been. Of course, I'll do anything for DD, she's all I've got. We're family when it comes to DD yes I agree with you 100% but the true meaning of family is no longer and yes we can cover it up by saying we're a different type of a family but I have a problem with teaching DD that it's OK to be this type of a family so that she grows up thinking divorced families are normal and fine. Just like STBXW grew up without a dad and while she resents him leaving her mom she thinks it's totally fine to grow up with just one parent. She says 'well I turned out OK' and I bite my tongue. And that's what our society has been teaching us 'it's OK, it's fine, this is normal' no wonder our divorce rate is so high.