I have been thinking, I believe she is still here only because of the kids and the fact she cannot afford to leave. She made reference in her journal that she would like us to split amicably, the last split was ugly and I fought her tooth and nail in court and won full custody. She is scared to go through that again, I think that is why we did not have the talk the other night. She is afraid of my reaction. Reading her journal should I bring up, that I will be amicable and let her go? Do I change the playing field put the ball in her court? Or is it better to let her stew be miserable and feel like I am trapping her in this house. Something doesn't feel right.
I guess I am a little worried about giving the speech of letting you go. She can't afford it? And right now I can't really afford to help her either? Robx where r u I need a slap in the face. Its initiating a R talk if I do bring up the fact that I know your unhappy and should leave.
no, don't bring up anything. You can't guide her decision, you need to let her be an adult and let her figure what she needs to do for herself and let her have the space & time she had been asking for.
I came home and the W is completely blahhhhh. She looks tired, beaten and distant. I snooped a bit and looked in her journal, she has been writing quotes from scripture about freedom, being happy and stuff like that. She wrote something that said we tried again, and its not working. She writes I want to be happy again, not rush in any direction, to take walks and be happy and laugh. Does she not realize all this has to do with her not me? There is no mention of any other person, as before with the A, she wrote about the other guy and bashed me. This time none of that, but not anything positive either, regarding us.
I guess she just cant be happy with me, that is what I am reading in her journal. I dont think any changes I make will make a difference unless she gets to where she needs to be on her own, not in our M. I am a little upset, obviously the first thing that comes to mind is wanting to fix things, I have to hold back and not try to "FIX" her.
Back to basics and letting her journal and complain about me and our M.
Let her journal, stop reading her journal, it's her journal, not your journal, you've determined she's not having an affair, you can stop snooping, no matter how much you try to hide the fact that you're snooping around on her, you will always leave telltale evidence behind which shows that you've been snooping.... it isn't attractive.
Let her take care of her happiness,
You just continue to work on being the best person you can be for you and your kids.
W is writing in her journal, I am on the computer. She has been a complete b**ch to me tonight. Yes the stepping back did not help. I am feeling reeally shitty right now, if you want to know why read the last couple posts. I have to stop fueling the fire, I can feel it that she is thinking the M is completely dead, and I probably helped push her into it even more tonight.
why is she "b i t c h y" towards you? give us examples of what this behavior is like towards you, what does she do specifically?
As far as a b!tch, just cold and distant, so I guess not much of a difference. The first thing she said to me this morning was that I(me) look for things to get angry at her about. I did not comment, but I will tell her that is her opinion. She asked if I could watch the kids tomorrow, she is going to a wedding with one of her female clients who's son is getting married. I told her I would watch the kids, asked her to watch them saturday evening, she didnt ask why but had a "look" on her face. Also told her I wanted to take the kids to Denver for a few days befor my S5 starts kindergarten next month. She again looked at me with the typical look, asked who was paying for it(money is tight)
Guess what money is tight, it's always going to "tight", just go do it.
She's going to wedding, I'm assuming that means she's going to make herself look presentable, bring a gift/presentation, etc.
That costs money, but money is "tight" ;-)
As for her comment, agree with her next time (it's too late now), don't tell her that's "your opinion!", that doesn't work.
just say "yeah you're right, I probably did do that quite a bit before", don't defend yourself when she says you do a certain thing or have done a certain thing, when you defend yourself against these complaints, you just invite more attacks like this, just get used to agreeing. You can either stand in front of that attack and defend yourself and prolong the fight or just let it slide off your back with less effort.
Don't get into the habit of watching the kids for her all the time as her "babysitter", if you have plans to be with the kids and it works out for you to take the kids when she's going out, great but don't let her get used to that. Good call on doing the same thing with her.
As for the "look" on her face, let her have any f!@#$king look she wants to have, LOL!
I ended the last pst short, she walked in as I was typing. I will not be a babysitter, I will enjoy my time with the kids, will be nice to have her out to loosen the tension. She will try and look presentable and I will geive her compliments I am sure. She was upset that she was not included in the trip to Denver, she asked me how long I was thinking about it, told her it was spur of the moment, didnt think she would have any interest in going. I guess its good that she journals at night, sleeps on it and thinks differently in the morning, or that is just her confusion completely creating havoc in her head.
I guess even reading what she put in her journal was a bit depressing, her actions seem to be wanting to see " how things go" I know I am not suppose to read in to too much.
As far as a possible A, I am pretty sure I have firmed up that as of right now, there isnt one. I believe she is focusing on her time with the kids, and her new job, that is what the distraction is for her.
I do try and be agreeable when she mentions what I have done in the past, but dammit its tough, I do have a habit of defending myself, always have
W is writing in her journal, I am on the computer. She has been a complete b**ch to me tonight. Yes the stepping back did not help. I am feeling reeally shitty right now, if you want to know why read the last couple posts. I have to stop fueling the fire, I can feel it that she is thinking the M is completely dead, nd I probably helped push her into it even more tonight.
Admit it, you LOVE being treated like this. If not you wouldn't have anything to talk about. Why not go do something for yourself like spend a whole day on yourself.
it is pathetic, even she says I look for things to get angry about. I need to do more on my own. thanks for the kick...
Do stuff thats going to get you female attention in the attraction form. So whatever does that for you, its not going to hurt and will help you getting your wife looking at you in the same way.
