I'm not sure that counseling is very helpful at this stage. It may be too soon for her. MC usually centers on rehashing painful events which encourages guilt. That's why she hates it. Plus, it's typical of the WAW in the first stage of DBing, the healing stage to not want to talk about the R. Talking about the relationship is more painful than walking. So, we try to figure things out ourselves and make the changes suggested in DB/DR. Then, at a certain point the WAW has healed enough to actually work on the R at which point your issues may be addressed too, in a positive, specific, forward looking manner.
MWD says that all the work has to be done by the LBS at this stage and she says, too bad, that's just how it is and the only way it will work.
Also, you’ve kind of set a deadline for your marriage to work. I’m not sure that is a good idea.
Maybe see if you can postpone the next session for a couple of weeks and DB instead? Tell her if this is causing her a lot of stress you don’t want that? MY DB coach told me that the best thing that happened to me was that my W refused to go to counseling.
I did show my IC the WAW Syndrome stuff. He asked for copies and the titles of the books I was reading, but most C's don't really understand this. When a spouse says its def over, the H begs, etc., the C tries to convince the H that it is over and it's time to move on. The couple divorces and it reinforces the C's belief that when the WAW says it's over, it really is.
