musclegal, I totally get the "emotional connection" thing. If your XH can get emotional reaction from you, his anxiety about losing you is reduced, his options are still open, at least in his mind. I think our wayward spouses are not nearly so sure of themselves as they try to convey. They KNOW they're playing with fire, and could be facing a life of guilt, shame, and regret. As Puppy always says, they're trying to keep all those plates spinning!
I agree with Coach's philosophy. I failed to live by it last year. I wasn't strong enough to do it. I should have done what was RIGHT, and filed for D, rather than what I felt, which was hold onto to my W and M while she had abandoned me and it. I let her maintain that line of connection to me, and she used it to keep those plates spinning. By the time I finally got strong enough to do what I had to do, her A was nearly over. Did the pressure I put on hasten it's demise? I think so.
Now I find myself in a different situation. Nothing my W is doing right now is disrespectful to me. She has agreed not to date anyone else. She is conflicted, between wanting to save our M, and wanting to avoid the extreme pain of dealing with the consequences of her A. She says she needs time. She is being honest, and she is trying to face her demons. What else can I ask right now? I need to decide for myself if I'm willing to wait for her, and risk further pain. It's not so much a question of right and wrong any more, at least not externally.
