It sounds like you are in control of yourself sir... INTEL is very useful and even liberating if you can detach from it all...
People who rush into thinks like your wife is doing just make a mess...
It's like driving man.. you go to fast your car goes out of control and you are roadkill all over the freeway...
She's pushing and desperate because she's in pain from the marriage falling apart and wants to escape it all... very very pathetic
Don't bother trying to show her motehr she's lying to her dude, it won't help... Her mother's not educated enough to do what she should have been doing all along
Allen, can you check in asap on CD Bear's thread, and offer your suggestions on his confrontation scripts? There are some weak spots, and you're so good at this part.
QS: Great post on DFM's thread. I found it very insightful as my H is in the same exact place as your W! Hell-Bent, Puppy calls it. Allen called it Prowling. I called it Trolling.
It's a terrible place to be at, that's for sure...knowing your spouse is looking for anyone but you.
Anyway, I had quite the epiphany reading that post, for better or worse! lol
Anyway, I had quite the epiphany reading that post, for better or worse! lol
I have the song "Love the way you lie" by Eminem and Rhianna in my head.
Quote:
"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry. But that's all right because I love the way you lie.... I love the way you lie".
Isn't that so true with us all here? Sometimes doesn't feel like we are standing there watching them (and us) burn? And don't we tend to like the way we hurt sometimes?
It's like ALL WE HAVE with them is pain, and we are willing to take ANYTHING that they give us, including the pain. We cling onto table scraps of venom, pain, and hurt because it is the ONLY THING WE GET FROM THEM.
And they feed us that so willingly because they want company as they burn. So they throw gasoline of pain on us and embrace us to let the flames consume us as well.
And right now it's a still night in my wind pipe I can't breathe but I still fight while can fight As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight ....... It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I believe they dump pain and stress off on us LBS's because the action of doing so gives them a pleasure or some sort of stress relief.
I know in my sitch, I would get dumped on daily like in the worst cases over 100 times a day a fake argument started just to get a rise out of me, actions that she knows I will not like, etc, etc.
QS you need to realize there are many people on this forum who are fighting for their marriages while living separately... There are arguments that this can HELP as well.
I completely understand that Allen. But once we sell the house, there is literally no reason to keep us in contact. Maybe to let our dogs play together, but if she moves 3 hours away then I will know she it totally and forever done.
She is so VERY intent on "moving on", which I heard her tell her mom means finding a guy "that makes her happy and laugh". She WANTS another relationship so she can "start the rest of her life".
Quote:
My time with my wife started with her dog greeting me so happily at her apartment door. My time with my wife dies with the dog on Friday.
This is the truest statement I have EVER made. We have a bunch of animals, and always referred to ourselves as a "pack of strays".
We ALWAYS said we all found each other EXACTLY when we needed to. And that is completely true. Our third month of marriage we had an STUPID, AWFUL fight at a out of town wedding (talking divorce already), and when we got back in town she went to our friends to get our dog. She came back with a little puppy who was abandoned on the side of the road. That dog spent 7 years with us and brought us so much joy. The next dog we got 2 years later and he just lit up the family. He needed us so badly, and we found ourselves needing him. Then 2 years later, she brought home a VERY sick kitten, and we both took care of her night and day.
Even the day we first met there was Fate involved. She went somewhere in the building where we at our first day, and later on I went looking for her but couldn't find her. I then left the building after giving up, and what do you know, THERE SHE WAS at the top of a stairway hill walking down toward me. Within 10 minutes she asked me out on our first date. We never parted afterward. I always said it was Destiny that brought us together.
So maybe you guys now understand why I hurt so much. I know you all tell me that I have to control my feelings, but it takes EVERYTHING I HAVE to do that when I am around her.
I am in the middle of grieving for my marriage and my dog right now, and my family is older and sick and can't seem to handle the stress and pain in my life.
Like I told OfficerInNeed. You do this and she is provided a highly focused amount of concentration and energy on her, and what she wants while she is around you. It is a form of attention, and the payment for the attention is bad behaviors, poor treatment, her ignoring you, etc, etc. She will figure out "if I get all this attention from him from doing this, why should I change anything?".
So she can get all this attention from you and do what she wants to on the side.
What needs to happen is she needs to break out of this phase where she's wanting to chase young and irresponsible cock.
What needs to happen is she needs to break out of this phase where she's wanting to chase young and irresponsible cock.
That doesn't seem likely right now, or in the reasonable future. She is in "pursuit" mode right now with this younger guy, trying to get him to get an apartment with her. AGAIN, this is a CHASE FOR HER. And she gets 1) her own place away from me, and 2) a young guy she wants to screw living in the SAME place as her. She wants what she wants.
She spent several text messages convincing her mother that she would NEVER go after this guy. And her mom says "ok I knew that but is it good to hear it FROM YOU". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Bwahahahahahaha. She is KIDDING right?
But all the while she's looking up MANY apartments that are in the price range he gave her (which is NEXT TO NOTHING). Seriously, like 350-400 a month for him for a 2 bedroom apt. I mean she spent AN HOUR last night looking for places in that range for a 2 person split. Ok let's forget those ones for a minute, and focus on the 30 minutes she spent looking for his family business. I hope she enjoyed that because that's 30 less minutes tomorrow she will have had with our dog.
Instead of spending time with her dying dog last night, she was looking up apartments for her little young blood. She even came home later from work yesterday because she got a FB message form him which said he'd be at a certain place working. So she stayed at work an hour longer hoping to catch him.
As much as I have wanted this marriage to work, and as much as her banging other guys HURTS, the more I find out about her the absolutely positively more DISGUSTED I become with her.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/22/1007:31 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
You are so right Allen. She sent a text to a friend saying "she was on the market again".
Aside from the EXTREME PAIN AND HURT, there is just absolute disgust that another human being could do this to their spouse.
I am SO CLOSE to just saying screw it ALL, and sell this damn house as fast as I can and surround myself with people that actually care about me. Girls included.
But I think alot of this stems from the fact that tomorrow I have to watch my dog die. Oh, and her family was "nice enough to let me come along". Or at least that's what I have been told.
How much more can a person take before they are just broken? How far gone does a WAS have to get before the LBS has had enough. My wife is in another dimension, yet this small, dumb, naive part of me thinks there is still hope.
I don't know who is more pathetic, her or me at this point.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
NOW you know what prompted HER to do what she's doing... YOU are talking the same way... surround myself with supportive friends... screw it all and sell the house.. opposite sex as well..
you are going wayward now too...
I still say find some reliable guys to move into the house with you to either buy as an investment OR rent to the other guys and you be the landlord.
It will be a very bold statement that you are keeping the house because you LIKE the HOUSE.
I don't know about where you are, but here you don't need to talk TO the OWNER to buy, its all done through a Realator so she won't even know you are the one buying it... lol
