You and I are in very similar situations, Allen is right. At first, I was a bit obsessed with finding out if there was OW or not. H showed some of the signs mentioned above, but not all. Enough where I was definitely thinking there has to be at least an EA going on. I could not get any proof. H keeps cell glued to him. The bills don't come to the house as it is a company phone, so I can't check those. Can't even try to find anything on his computer because it's password protected (always has been - company requires it). Because it is a computer computer, I can't do anything to gain access to the information (keylogger, etc...) or I would be breaking the law. I felt so exacerbated! How was I supposed to fight an A I couldn't prove?!
Allen helped me to see that whether or not I could prove A, I still have grounds to confront H's behavior. His actions have been, and continue to be, detrimental to the stability of not only our marriage, but our family.
Check out the Intel thread and maybe that will help. If you can get proof of something, I think it's helpful because you can combat and expose more easily. However, it is not always easy. Does H have a Facebook account? That's a breeding ground...
You've read my sitch, I believe, as I know you've posted. Hopefully you and I can be of some support to each other through all this! I am putting my confrontation plans on hold right now because H has agreed to attend a weekend workshop for marriages in crisis that my FT told me about: New Beginnings. If that doesn't work, I'm completely ready to ask him to move out, proof of A or no proof. If he doesn't want to be married to me and do something to work on our R, then he needs to leave - simple as that. This weekend workshop (July 30th weekend) is my last effort before separation. H has gone back and forth as to wanting to work on R or not, so this is his chance.
