OK. The sadness is mostly excised now.

Today is the day; "the talk"

I'm expecting the obvious.

Lies
Rationalization
History re-write
Attack for discovering (snooping)
Threat (for snooping and/or exposure)

I will listen to any of it except the lies. THAT I will cut off with "Stop. We both know you're lying. What else do you want to talk about?"

If the exposure comes up- "You were lying about our marriage and me. I won't remain silent and not respond to lies or an affair"

If about discovery/snooping "I could feel your words not matching your actions. I had to know which was closest to the truth to protect myself and our D"

Rationalization/re-write "I understand your viewpoint. Thank you for sharing. Please know I see it differently"

If the M comes up as part of it "I understand your view. We have had that argument before. It was not constructive and I know now that you can't talk your way to a better marriage. That requires effort; understanding and action. We did none of these"

Blame game -"I now know that our marriage wasn't working for either of us and I completely accept my half of the responsibility for that and am sorry for the hurt it caused you. "

The hopelessness of our M/feelings justify A
"It is clear now that we both needed to either agree and work together to completely rebuild our M or it would end. I firmly believe a rebuild was possible but your choices took that option away from me.


If the guilt leads her to "friend street", I will kindly decline and say "Perhaps one day we can, but not now"

I then Do what I intended. I will "earn" the 4 Whistle Award.

"Then all I have to say is this. I will not live in an open marriage. I will not hide your lies or affair. They are disrespectful. I will send you info on a few mediators I have looked into. XXX is the best choice. I will set an appointment for as early in August as possible to finalize up our Separation Agreement. I should have all my banking and documentation gathered by then. You should, too.
Divorce is my last option. It is clear that it is your first and easiest. What you are doing to this family is selfish and irresponsible. But if this is your decision, then you will own the consequences.

I have to go out. See you later."


Thanks everyone.
if you see anything I missed or if something needs a tweak. please let me know.