Puppy Advice

[steady]

often i don't think they 'get it' until it's too late

I watch my sitch and see the role reversals. Pre-bomb, she wanted to repair the R, I didn't pay attention; post bomb, I wanted to repair, she didn't; the things I did in the past which she complained about she is now doing. I think the final loop that closes is the role reversal after the split up. I'm not sure how often the WAS returns only to be rejected by the previously LBS but I imagine you don't see a lot of it because they probably don't come back to post it here.

in her final interview, she said that after moving out she has a greater appreciation for her h and that only now she realizes how much he meant to her.

thinking about it, still makes me sad. because the WAW irrationally rationalized away reality and didn't appreciate her h until he was no longer around.

That's really interesting. I think what happens is they are all caught up in the drama and they get an obsessive tunnel vision. They are so focused and determined to get away that all their energy is put into that direction and that direction only. Add the fantasy of what they think life will be like once they get away into the mix - once all the drama stops and the smoke clears they are left there with nothing to push all that energy into.

This is why I can appreciate gucci/robx advice. When you actually detach it mimics the smoke clearing. You aren't feeding them the fuel they need to keep their tunnel vision going. You take yourself away from their focus to some degree. If you aren't behaving in a way that they can use to keep justifying their decision they run out of complaints and ammunition that's aimed at you.

When you resist their decision to leave you now give them someone/something to fight. That's the focus. When you tell them go ahead I'm leaving, they have no one to fight.

I know this post is a bit choppy. I'm having a problem getting my thoughts across in a clean way this morning and I really don't feel like cleaning it up...lol.