Re-Connecting

[Fightingforher]

Thanks DanF,

I just don't know how to see past all of this to maintain a civil R for our son. I get so angry that she's doing this and she expects me to run around smiling like nothing is wrong. I know that separation will do us some good. But until then right under my nose this is going on.

I know this is horrible to say but I pray that Karma comes back and bites her right in the A$$..... I know....petty... but OM can't be serious about starting a R with a woman who lives with her STBXH has a child and isn't even D yet. That's a lot of baggage to take on right away.....

Anyway, wasn't sure if anyone out there has had to deal with this and had any success while living together....

[dsh4320]

FFH,

I dont believe you need to "date" to get your confidence back. I go to the gym and flirt, when the flirting is returned thats a confidence builder. In my post I focus on being the stronger, mature warrior for my 3 and 5 year old during my arital crisis, that will give you strength, focus on you and your son. Be the man he wants to be, dont let her control the situations. How about you take your son out of town for a bit? go camp, fish amusement park? just a thought, but your W is seeing you work and pretty much lurk around the house, she is in control. As Robx told me, get your balls back.

[Fightingforher]

Thanks for the advise.....

I'm really trying to detach from W until we can get her moved out. I'd love to take son away but our schedules just are so crazy right now. There are some local fairs at the end of the month that I'd love to take him too. That will keep my mind off things.

I've been spending a lot of time with friends who are all aware of our issues and are very supportive. I'm working on getting my "balls back" I just don't know how to do that right now.

I've been out of the game for so long I don't even know how to flirt anymore, I guess that will come in time. I suppose I have a lot to work on before I can even think about dating. Maybe I was considering it out of spite??? Who knows???

[pinhead]

FFH, don't worry about the game or getting your balls back. There's nothing wrong with thinking about dating. It's a natural coping mechanism, and the flirting will come eventually. That's the great thing about flirting, there's no risk, so you'll feel good when you get a smile or laugh in return. Then you'll start to feel alive again.

Think of what you used to do for fun, before the W, before the S. What were your dreams you cast aside as you "grew up?" Take some time to find out what YOU want, what interests you. It can be hard when you're consumed by your sitch, but it's the best way out. That and giving your S as much love as you can in the time you have with him.

[dsh4320]

FFH,

See you are thinking about the fair at the end of the month, good start. I know its hard to think about "i dont know where to start" well as pinhead said it will come naturally once you start feeling yourself again. Hell I am 38 years old and in the best shape I have ever been in, started listening to Hair Nation and its bringing some of my youth back trust me I dont keep the windows down listening to old hair bands and I dont rock out with long hair, shave it anyway. Stay strong, fight the fight.

[Fightingforher]

Journaling......

W didn't get home till late lastnight she said she was going to run some errands, 6 hours later she returned. This OM has taken priority over everything. She left son with MIL until I got home, I worry about my son and if W is going to put him 2nd to OM. Hopefully not!!!!

Still waiting on refi confirmation. Should hear today, I'm hoping good news. Still trying to detach from W and see her as little as possible. I'm still so angry and feeling betrayed. I guess time will help those feelings subside. I wish I could just forget her right now.

[Fightingforher]

Journaling.....

Coming down to the end of month. Refi is looking good, if all goes well W will be moving in to her own place with son. I'm starting to feel good/bad thoughts. I'm going to miss my son, but I know that W being out of house will help out alot.

She has been coming home late almost everynight and I just can't stop the thoughts. I'm hoping this gets easier as time goes by. We've worked out a schedule for son and no real issues with assets, etc....

Trying to keep busy.....

[DanF]

Hang in there FFH. Getting the refi done will be great! I'm going to see my mortgage broker tonight to figure out my options. You will miss your S sometimes, but you will also have him a lot, right? The time away from both of them will also be good, just don't spend too much of it alone, obsessing about what else you could have done. This is not your fault. Find some friends to go out with or just hang out with. My neighbors have been great! I've spent a lot of time BS'ing with them and am planning to fish with one of the guys.

You will be fine and the separation might clear W's mind. Now go out there and talk to some women big guy!!!!!!!

[Fightingforher]

Well, the rope has been completely dropped and W seems to be enjoying life. I don't ask anymore about late nights, conversations, etc.... When we do talk it's about our son. Several of my friends have told me that they think W is going through a MLC.

She's only 29 but she's the oldest 29 year old I know. She's never been single, never experienced college life, started working when she was 19. I've been fortunate enough to experience life and I can't relate to what she is going through. I imagine it will catch up to her soon and we'll see where it takes her.

Anyway, still waiting on refi confirmation. Things are looking good but still no concrete answers yet.

[Fightingforher]

W went to parenting class today. It's required by the state to finalize D. She sent me a text saying class is a waste and we don't belong there. One thing we do agree on is how son is raised.

She said she wishes we could get along. I guess in her world dating OM is allowed while living with husband. I did reply that someday we may be able to get along. I think she has plans tonight with OM. She got all dolled up before leaving.

Hoping we can move apart soon so I don't have to see her daily.