1. Have his mail redirected. Here in Canada you can pay a small fee at the post office to have mail in his name redirected wherever you want. 2. You pack his things and put them in dry storage, give him the key. You pay for maybe one month of storage and have a friend or family member give him teh key and tell him he can do with the stuff what he pleases. 3. Talk to your lawyer, even if its only to find out what you CAN do to change your life for the better. 4. Waiting it out? You don't want HIM to THINK you are waiting it out. You want him to THINK you are taking the safety net out from under him and that he can't just jump back and forth between women anymore like he has been doing. You want him to THINK you are CLOSING the DOOR to ADD PRESSURE. 5. And yes the drug testing, the child custody, all of that puts PRESSURE on him.. brings REALITY to his doorstep so he has to GROW UP or GIVE UP
For way too long now in my opinion you have been making it EASY for him to AVOID making a choice...
I use this model often, so I will offer it up again here.
Your Husband has three basic choices of lifestyle here :
a. Continue to see you, and his affair partner (cake-eat) b. End his marriage, minimize contact with you, and pursue affair partner 100% c. End his affair and work with a FT to reconcile with you 100%
Right NOW, you have been making option A AVAILABLE to him. He can see you as often as he wants, whenever he wants, and you are all smiles when he does. You even make him dinner or whatever.
When you cut OFF option A he has to make a choice between two ugly options to him. He does NOT want to end all contact with you, or he would have done that already. He does NOT want to end all contact with his OW either.
YOU take actions to STOP A from being available as an option. Until you cut off option A he will KEEP TAKING IT and NEVER recommit and YOU will continue to feel increasingly miserable.
Cut him off at the knees by removing option A.
You cannot force him to choose option C, but you CAN STOP him from choosing option A by NOT being available to him anymore.
You have been making yourself available 100% so he's been cake eating... it won't help you.
Cut him off at the knees. He may choose b, he may choose a, but at least he will have made A choice and you can stop feeling miserable.
