H in MLC and living with OW. Exposed - now what?

[MarieC]

Hi, Puppy,

I live in a remote Alpine village with no Alanon. The ICs I've been seeing (they rotate every 45 days) are all alcohol and drug abuse specialists but they (all 3 so far) seem to think my h is in a classic MLC, where "booze and bimbos" are symptoms.

I'm Irish, my family owned a pub, and *all* of my relatives are either alcoholics or don't drink at all. I hear what you're saying, which is why I keep asking the ICs about the boozing.

Unfortunately, h is British and Irish, worked in Irish pubs while on his "year off" from college (read: when he flunked out because of boozing and failing his thesis), and - in comparison with some of the OTHER Brits and Irish in town - is not AS bad. Still, blackouts and passing out and being drunk EVERY SINGLE DAY for months on end is to me an alcohol problem at the least and most likely alcoholism.

The ICs always say it's unethical to diagnose someone they haven't seen, but from their work with the military (which is in crisis right now, with MLCs, boozing, infidelity, suicides, etc., all often wrapped up in PTSD from the wars - it's so sad) has shown that some of these guys can get it together because they wake up and realize their wives are the ones in their corner for the long haul, so they tell me to focus on healing myself but no need to let that spark of hope die, because they are often surprised at the folks they thought were hopeless who ended up happily back together. I just don't have the feeling that this is the case with my h.

I think he's too proud to admit he has a drinking problem - he lied to me for SO LONG about his skank, even when he MUST have known I knew about her!

I am reading the Melody Beatty stuff (again!) and other books on co-dependency, but the ICs seem a bit skeptical - say they don't think I have that issue but instead that I'm going through normal grieving from being abandoned - and think that I should be working instead on taking care of myself.

There's a new IC in town so I'll ask her what she thinks, as well.

From your point of view, though, it's pretty much time for me to accept it's over?