How do I save my marriage to husband in MLC?

[beingreal]

<cups Rlays face gently in her hands, leans in close, looks her right in the eye & quietly says...>

It wasn't hope.

It was fear.

It wasn't hope.

It. Was. Fear.

You hoped he would get better. You hoped it was the last time. You hoped you could have a happy life together.

No. You were afraid that he would do it again, because you knew he would do it again.


The fear that he was right and you really couldn't do it on your own. That he was right and you weren't smart enough or strong enough or good enough to be on your own. The fear that you really did need him, and that you would always have to live like that. The fear that one day he would take your life just as he had controlled it...without a thought to your pain and suffering.

I don't care what he called it, R, it wasn't love. Ever. you don't treat the people you love like that. What he did was wrong. The only mistake you made was believing in him. You never deserved this. Any of it. Your children don't deserve it.

And he sure as hell never deserved you. And he knows it, which is part of the reason he's tried to keep you down for so long.

When you can decide that you do not want to be the victim anymore, your anger will begin to surface. And honey, it isn’t gonna feel pretty. It will be at him for treating you that way. It will be at yourself for allowing yourself to be treated like that. It will be at the world for a little while. And then, you can begin to really heal.

Your counselor is right, you will NOT heal, no matter what you do, no matter how many support groups you go to, even if you stay in counseling for the rest of your life, or even if you H returns and is the model H, until you begin to let this happen.

Yep. You won't. You will continue to live in this you decide it's time to stop.

If your S’s turn out like your H, because you refused to heal yourself and really help them heal…can you handle that responsibility?

Because we learn what we see more than what we are told.

Are you going to allow yourself to continue to be a victim and allow your children to see that and maybe repeat it in their own lives…

Another point I am in total agreement with. This is what they see. This is what will become normal for them. This is what they will teach their children. Teach their sons to do & teach their daughters to accept.

Let him go treat the OW however he wants to treat her for now. Statistics say that eventually he will treat her badly as well.

I know this is true, because it was me. Not the OW part... but the new girlfriend who defended him against the claims his exwife made when she finally found the strength to stand up and say it (I have always wanted to apologize to her for making people doubt her). Not him. Oh, no. He was too kind, too perfect, too golden. He treated me like a princess.

Right up until it was me hiding the bruises.

And lying to my friends and family.

And wondering how the hell I got to that point.

It took me years to heal from it.



And then I found myself in a M that was just as verbally volatile and ugly. From both of us. So no, maybe I never really healed from the previous R at all. I just ended up repeating it, on a different level and without the bruises. Well... the ones you can hide with makeup anyway.

lol... maybe I'm not the best person to be posting on the thread after all.

Take my hand Rlay... you are not alone here.


(and now you know why I am so adamant about closing that door)