I will start by saying abuse is NEVER ok. It isn’t. And it is NEVER the victims fault.
I will not support you in allowing yourself to be the victim anymore though.
You were. A victim of someone else’s bad behavior.
You have to make the choice not to be anymore. That is the first step.
When you can decide that you do not want to be the victim anymore, your anger will begin to surface. And honey, it isn’t gonna feel pretty. It will be at him for treating you that way. It will be at yourself for allowing yourself to be treated like that. It will be at the world for a little while. And then, you can begin to really heal.
Your counselor is right, you will NOT heal, no matter what you do, no matter how many support groups you go to, even if you stay in counseling for the rest of your life, or even if you H returns and is the model H, until you begin to let this happen.
You know what, I don’t believe you that you aren’t angry. Not for one second. It is time Rlay, to be honest with us and honest with yourself.
No one here is going to punish you for being angry and upset. Some may not have a clue what to say if you let it pour out, other than a hug, but some will.
I am not saying to confront your H about it. You are not strong enough for that. And it won’t make a difference right now.
Let him go treat the OW however he wants to treat her for now. Statistics say that eventually he will treat her badly as well.
I will ask you this though…
If your S’s turn out like your H, because you refused to heal yourself and really help them heal…can you handle that responsibility?
Because we learn what we see more than what we are told.
Are you going to allow yourself to continue to be a victim and allow your children to see that and maybe repeat it in their own lives…
Or are you gonna step up and face it with the strength that you have buried deep inside of you right now and hopefully stop the cycle?
This is what I hope for for you. And I think that is the hope you should be holding onto right now and nothing more…
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
