H's A ended but no commitment to work on M....

[Deep]

hi, I don't post that much these days and I hope you don't mind me popping in.

Xin - interesting choice of a user name, perchance you meant it to represent "heart" in another language?

You asked about cake-eating, and honestly, you're not just allowing him to cake-eat, you're baking him the cake too. I'll also suggest you keep to one thread if possible, and Newcomers does get a lot more traffic than other sections. I'm surprised that some of the vets here have not thrown some 2X4s your way.

Yo usaid you're doing all you can to DB, 180, and GAL. I don't mean to be rude, but what exactly does that mean? All I see are actions and (more worryingly) a mindset of the complete opposite.

You appear so (co-)dependent on your H it's scary. You're running your life and basing your emotions, actions, decisions, choices, self-respect and self-worth on his whims. I'm not even sure where to start but these points stand out for me:

- STOP wishing he would "get over" OW. There is nothing to indicate the A is over. Nothing. You can't trust what he or OW says.
- It's ridiculous that you picked up a morsel of info that it takes at least 3 months of separation to get over the withdrawal from OP and then base your hopes on that. Firstly, it can take longer, WAY longer. Secondly, that's in a good case scenario where there's some remorse, a full commitment to END the A with a full transparency plan etc. I know it's soul-destroying to wacth your spouse pine for someone else, but you need to look within yourself to deal with that and not leave it to his tender mercies.
- You're not just acting like a doormat. You're acting like a doormat that likes being a doormat and will continue to be a doormat. You'll never get his respect or affection back that way. You might as well just file for D yourself now if that's going to be your plan A.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I'm just being honest. Stop worrying over things you don't control, and love and respect yourself. Let H take ownership for his part of the mess. As Allen A puts it, that's ALL him.